How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?

Only For the Married

This article is about “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is about “wife.” As a Christian, I believe in the Word of God which teaches that premarital sex and extramarital sex are sin in the sight of the holy God (1 Cor. 6:18; Gal. 5:19). If there is no repentance for engaging into such sins, there are eternal consequences every person ought to face (Rev. 21:8). 

But, according to God’s Word, sex is sacredly satisfying with your wife. It is God’s wonderful gift which is to be enjoyed within the boundary of marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-5). And this message is only for married men who are desperate for a fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

Sex is Not Initially Exciting for Wives

Why the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is regarding “excitement about sex.” Men are basically excited about sex, all the time. When women are newly married, they too are indeed fascinated about sex. However, sooner or later, their sexual drive seemingly declines. You will understand why this happens as you read further.  

At this stage, many men suffer from sexual dissatisfaction in their married life. They feel rejected and disappointed whenever their sexual advances are turned down by their wives. As a result, some get addicted to watching porn and some fall into extramarital affairs in order to gratify their sexual passions. But there are those who do not want to commit such sins and are eager to know how to get back their wives excited about sex. 

Sex is Hard Work

Observe the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited about Sex?” It is about “how to get.” All married men know—sex in marriage is exciting, but to reach that exciting stage is hard work. When wives have kids to take care, work outside, manage house chores and face conflicts either at home or outside—all these draining them emotionally—it is not easy for wives to get excited about sex. 

Let me tell you the fact many husbands are unaware. Wives are excited about sex. They love sex. They enjoy sex. But the difference between them and us is—we are excited about it naturally, even when we are physically tired and emotionally upset; but for wives it does not come naturally, particularly when they are physically tired and emotionally upset. It is here that men face the challenge to understand their wives' lack of cooperation to have sex with them. 

Exciting Wives for Sex

Some husbands may be thinking I am going to speak about how to practice foreplay or orally stimulate wives to excite them for sex. Although this is important and necessary, I am not speaking here about the physical stimulation of wives for sex. I am speaking about something more important. 

Let me begin with how wives are NOT excited about sex. When husbands often lose their temper, when they treat their wives harshly, when they are insensitive to their reasonable needs, when they do not cooperate with them in house chores, when they do not shoulder family responsibilities, when they do not care for them emotionally, when they do not love them passionately—wives are not excited about sex. 

Here is the truth every husband must consider: You cannot inflict emotional pain to your wife and expect sexual pleasure from her. 

Sex Begins in the Kitchen

Christian psychologist, Kevin Leman, wrote an interesting book “Sex Begins in the Kitchen.” What he strongly presents is, “Sex is the culmination of honoring and loving interactions shared throughout the day.” How true! 

When husbands lovingly converse with their wives, assist them in kitchen, behave responsibly in family issues, spend quality time with them, be sensitive to their feelings, appreciate their good works, care for them in their sickness or discouragement, honor them before others, be patient with them when they fail, gently correct them at the right time and love them passionately—they make their wives excited when it comes to sex. 

Some of us husbands know this secret and we try to be nice with our wives only before sex. But our wives are not so dumb to believe our manipulative approaches towards them. When we wash dishes on a particular night, our wives immediately know why we do this occasional act. 

What makes our wives excited for sex is not at times the love and care we show towards them just when we want to have sex with them. It is the love and care we genuinely express towards them all the time which makes our wives excited for sex.

Here is another truth for husbands to ponder over: Wives delightfully yield themselves to have sex with their husbands when their husbands don’t treat them as just sexual objects or toys, but as queens worthy of love and care. When husbands put love before sex, they find fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

This does not mean husbands must be continually a “wife-pleaser”. I understand there are unhealthy demands and expectations of wives that husbands cannot meet. At such times, a husband can gently explain to her, pray for her perspective to change and even seek counseling from mature people. And he must do these things, not for the sake of sex, but out of love for her. 

But as far as possible, when a husband meets his wife’s reasonable expectations and needs, he proves himself to be a loving man, and his wife, in most cases, would love to enjoy sex with him.

Emotional Care Excites Sexual Feelings

This is quite important for husbands to know: It is not physical stimulation that primarily excites our wives for sex, but emotional care. When I asked my wife what her thoughts are about this statement, she replied, “ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.”

I have been married to my beautiful wife for eighteen years and I candidly claim: whenever my wife felt emotionally cared by me, she was excited for sex. Whenever she felt neglected by me, she despised sex. 

A friend of mine, who is a husband and father, sincerely shared with me about how he and his wife have sex a couple of times in a week. And I know how this man ardently loves and cares for his wife. No wonder, his wife is excited to have sex with him. 

I have learned this significant lesson: A wife rewards her husband with sex when she emotionally feels loved by him. And sex becomes satisfying and fulfilling in marriage when wives engage in sex with a sense of being loved and cared by their husbands. But when husbands forcefully engage their wives in sex without caring for them emotionally, they make their sexual life more dissatisfied in marriage. 

This may sound shocking to many husbands, but this is nevertheless true—in many marriages, husbands are primarily responsible to kill the excitement for sex in their wives by their negligence to love and care for them.  

Therefore, husbands, are we willing to change our attitude, talk, tone and conduct towards our wives? Are we ready to behave responsibly in family life? Are we committed to love our wives as Christ loved the church and laid his life for her? (Eph. 5:25) Are you willing to become a real “man” and a sacrificial “hero” with whom your wife is excited to have sex?

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Note: There are few men to whom sex is not that exciting and their wives are frustrated with their sexual impotency. If you are such a man, please read this article: "Why Sex is So Important to Your Wife?"

Related Post: Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together?

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