2) The object of sexual stimulation should be the body of your own spouse, not sexually explicit pictures and videos wherein the other person’s body is viewed for sensual provocation.
Many don’t give careful thought to what happens when couples watch pornography together for the purpose of stimulating themselves to have sexual intercourse. Are they are not receiving sensual stimulation from others’ bodies, nakedness and sexual act? Don’t you think the bodies of other people would become more stimulating for them than the body of their own spouse? Who ultimately is your source of sexual pleasure—your own spouse or that sexually explicit person in porn?
Here is a fact which many are unaware. Porn stars often build up the structure of their bodies for public attraction. Their breasts and genitals are enhanced surgically. They project themselves in such a sexy way that they become irresistibly fascinating. Chris Hedges, in "Empire of Illusion", describes this gruesome deception:
The porn films are not about sex. Sex is airbrushed and digitally washed out of the films. There is no acting because none of the women are permitted to have what amounts to a personality. The one emotion they are allowed to display is an unquenchable desire to satisfy men, especially if that desire involves the women’s physical and emotional degradation. The lightning in the films is harsh and clinical. Pubic hair is shaved off to give the women the look of young girls or rubber dolls. Porn, which advertises itself as sex, is a bizarre, bleached pantomime of sex. The acts onscreen are beyond human endurance. The scenarios are absurd. The manicured and groomed bodies, the huge artificial breasts, the pouting oversized lips, the erections that never go down, and the sculpted bodies are unreal. Makeup and production mask blemishes. There are no beads of sweat, no wrinkle lines, no human imperfections. Sex is reduced to a narrow spectrum of sterilized dimensions. It does not include the dank smell of human bodies, the thump of a pulse, taste, breath—or tenderness. Those in films are puppets, packaged female commodities. They have no honest emotion, are devoid of authentic human beauty, and resemble plastic. Pornography does not promote sex, if one defines sex as a shared act between two partners. It promotes masturbation. It promotes the solitary auto-arousal that precludes intimacy and love. Pornography is about getting yourself off at someone else’s expense. [pg. 57]Now how does this impact the couple who watch these unusual bodies? The bodies of their own spouses become unappealing in comparison to those projected in porn. Women in particular may feel inferior when they see their body structure not as fascinating as women in porn. Men may even compare their wives with those women in porn, finding themselves more dissatisfied with their wives and more lustful towards other women. They may crave and cherish more of who they see and what they see in porn than their actual marriage partner.
Some women from a study stated:
- “I am no longer sexually attractive or desirable to him.” “He’s more attracted to the women depicted in the movies, magazines, and websites than he is to me, and I feel completely unable to compete with these women.” Research has shown that most men experience decreased sexual intimacy with their marriage partner when they are given to porn. (The Men’s and Women’s Program, 2011, pg. 140-141)
Dear couples, do you hear this? In making a decision to watch porn alone or with your spouse, rather than resisting it, you are making a choice to lose yourself from each other’s world. Beware, it could also become an addiction without which, i.e. without looking at the naked bodies and sexual intercourse of other people, you cannot enjoy sex together.
Besides, here is another dangerous thing that could happen when couples watch porn: When watching porn together with a purpose of engaging into sexual activity, there is a high possibility for either of them or both to secretly fantasize having sex with the person in porn while actually having sex with their own spouse. Take note of this: since mind is prone to easily absorb sensual images, what we watch has a terrible impact upon how we think, fantasize and act.
One woman expressed her embarrassment this way: "I am no longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is not really with me, not really making love to me… He seems to be thinking about something else – likely those porn women… He is just using me as a warm body." (Study by Bergner & Bridges, 2002)
Therefore, dear husbands and wives, let the source and contentment of sexual pleasure be the body of your spouse, not those sexually explicit images and videos of strangers that rob true sexual pleasure within marriage.
Some justify watching porn to learn some sex positions in order to enjoy good sex in marriage. However, the fact is pornography mostly portrays sex in unrealistic ways, particularly hardcore porn wherein sexual images and videos are more violent and has negative impact upon sexual relationship with one’s spouse. But there are good books written with balance and decency about how to stimulate each other sexually, providing good sex techniques for sexual fulfillment in marriage. The following are some books which I confidently recommend:
- The Acts of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye
- Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Ed and Gaye Wheat
- Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman
- The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham
- Answers for Your Marriage by Bruce and Carol Britten [continued next page...] |
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