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Some folks say, “What’s wrong in watching porn when it is simply a matter of sight and mental act without causing any hurt to others? Thoughts are fine as long as they do not turn into actions. Don’t I have the right to do what I do in my private life?”
Well, even when you watch porn secretly without any intention of causing physical hurt to others, I still believe it is sinful and destructive. Let me give three reasons for my conviction. If you ponder over my reasons, you would also agree with me.
1. What You Watch and Imagine Speaks About Who You Are
Or, what if he says to you—“I am addicted to watching porn. I love seeing the nakedness of other women. I cherish sexual fantasies. I do what all I can in my imagination. I simply do this for my personal enjoyment. I have no intention to hurt anyone.”
Now, honestly speaking, would you be comfortable with your woman in the presence of that person? Would you allow him to talk to your wife or girl friend, even to your sister, at ease, although what he does is just in sight and mind but not in action?
Why not?
You see, a person who entertains unhealthy thoughts in his mind and secretly relishes watching the nakedness of other women speaks a lot about his character. A man defines himself by what he thinks, by what he does in secret, without necessarily manifesting in action. Why?
Because man is made of mind, soul and body. When something is cherished in the mind, it is a part of us which reveals who we are and what attitude we have. Our thoughts are not different from us. Mind is a testimony of our character.
Remember, it is not just about whether you hurt others; it is about who you are.
Think about pride, envy, bitterness, greed and hatred. If you give careful thought to these vices, you realize that they are not necessarily actions. They can be manifested in action but they are actually evil attitudes and thoughts.
If someone says to you, “I don’t kill you, but I hate you bitterly,” would you still enjoy living with that person, since he is not doing any harm to you?You can’t.
Why?
Without doing any physical harm in action, because of his bitter thoughts against you, he is still saying to you, “I hate you.” Likewise, without necessarily sleeping with other women or molesting others, the one who watches porn secretly, still says, “I love having sex with different women.”
Are you able to see what a person thinks is equally important to what he does? Our public life may give false impression about ourself, but our private life speaks a lot of who we actually are.
Eventually, it is not about hurting others, which is important. First and foremost, it is about who am I, which is revealed through what I think and cherish in secret.
Let me ask you a question—if what we watch in secret, if what we think and entertain in mind, make sound the way our words do or manifest the way our actions do, do we still secretly watch those things and entertain them in our mind?
We would not.
Why?
Because of what people think about us. More precisely, because of what people think about who we are.
You see, our secret watching and thinking and fantasizing, reveals much about our character. For this reason, the Holy Scripture says, “For as he thinks within himself, so he is” (Pro. 23:7).
So what are you defining about yourself by watching porn in secret?
2. What You Watch and Imagine Speaks About Your Commitment
Our attitude toward sex speaks much about our commitment to our spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. When you say to someone, “I love you,” you are also saying, “I am committed to you.” Of course, this is not how the modern generation perceives about love. Today’s men and women seem to have no commitment attached to their so-called love.
Nevertheless, love is commitment. And commitment is a matter of attitude. It begins with a resolution in mind.
When you mentally flirt with naked pictures and videos, fantasizing those things in mind, how can a woman believe that you are committed to her? When you secretly watch nude women, how can you be a committed person to the one you claim to love? Don’t you see yourself as a hypocrite? Don’t you lack commitment which is a great sign of true love?
Sadly, our society today lacks strong men who are courageous enough to stay committed to a woman in thought and action.
Which woman likes a man who says, “I love you very much in action, but in my mind, I sexually fantasize about many women and secretly watch several nude pictures and videos; however, I don’t have anything to do with them in action.”Will not a woman still feel betrayed by such a man?
Betrayal speaks about lack of trustworthiness and commitment. It speaks about treacherous attitude. It speaks about being nice before your loved one and doing something nasty behind her.
Don’t you think watching pornography is a betrayal to the one you claim to love?
I have read many women expressing how they get deeply hurt or feel betrayed when their husbands or boyfriends watch porn. They feel themselves no more than a mere sexual object. They find themselves secondary to porn stars. They don’t really feel loved by their men.
Now you may feel justified watching porn in secret, for you may think you are not a rapist or a sexual molester. You may feel good about what you do because you think you are not hurting others. But, you know, hurt is not just physical; it is also emotional.
You may think of not causing physical hurt to anyone, but are you not hurting others emotionally by watching porn in secret, particularly your wife or girlfriend or parents or children or other dear ones? They may not yet know what you do in secret. And if they do know and yet have no problem with what you do in secret, then they do not care about who you are, your love relationship and commitment to them (sadly, there are some weird folks like this).
For this reason, the Lord Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28).
So what are you revealing about your commitment by watching porn in secret? [Click here to go to Part 2 of this article...] |
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Good job Stephen! Glad to see that you are still actively trying to dissuade people from this terrible problem that is so pervasive in our lives today through the internet.
ReplyDeletePrecious lives have been ruined and destroyed by it!
I would love to see the entire Church come to terms with this imminent danger and take up efforts to introspect, engage and eradicate this evil from the Church and the rest of the country.
The very fact that this has been allowed and continues to thrive in our homes and country is proof of the failure of social policy! Middle eastern countries have taken steps to make majority of such sites inaccessible to browsers. We however lack the will to do it as is evidenced by the many MPs who were caught browsing porn on their cell phones, right inside the Parliament!
As Christians, we cannot serve as lights and salt of the world when our minds are clouded (darkened) more and more by such images, text and videos and our lives end up as bland hypocrisy.
Many of us are acutely aware of the addictive power of porn; what's worse is that unlike other addictions such as alcoholism or drugs which others can notice, no one is aware of a porn addiction apart from the one who is addicted, thereby making help unavailable.
This is a serious problem for our times and we have to ask the Lord to help us fight it. I encourage your efforts with all my heart.