Number One Reason for Marital Conflicts

Marriage is a covenantal relationship ordained by God in which a man and a woman are joined together to have mutual love relationship.

Yet, when it comes to practical living, married couples do not always enjoy their relationship as God intended them to, as husband and wife. Once married couple begins to live together under one shelter—sooner or later—conflicts become an inevitable and unwanted challenge in their daily lives.

When we look at marriages around us, many couples seem to be working like oxen, pulling their marital carts forward with great difficulty. It is a sad fact that many marriages are increasingly ending up divorced and causing much heartbreak. All these are a result of interpersonal conflicts.

Well, why do we encounter conflicts in marriage? Why do husbands and wives often quarrel? Why are they unable to get along and live in peace together?

Psychologists and marriage counselors say that quarrels in marriage occur due to lack of mutual understanding, lack of appropriate communication, lack of self-esteem, lack of sensitivity to one another’s needs and so on.

To be sure, these reasons cannot be denied. But let us not suppose these to be the root causes. They are problems on the surface. These are just symptoms. Without dealing with the root issues, all our counsel and efforts to resolve conflicts in marriage would be like watering an artificial plant—it will bear no fruit.

Number One Reason

There is one evil which is deeply embedded in our hearts. This disease has sickened many marriages. This weapon has destroyed many families. This toxic nature has brought misery to many married lives. This is the number one reason for marital conflicts.

What is it?

The Holy Bible says, “Pride only breeds quarrels” (Pro. 13:10).

The number reason for marital conflicts is PRIDE. We may not like to hear this, but the fact is—the reason why husbands and wives often get into quarrels is due to pride in their hearts.

Why is there no mutual understanding in marriage? Because pride makes a person focused on oneself. A self-focused person cannot understand his/her spouse.

Why is there no respectful communication? Because pride makes a person egotistical. An egotistical person doesn’t treat his/her spouse with respect.

Why do married couples resort to blaming one another? Because pride makes a person self-righteous. A self-righteous person will not accept one’s own faults but tries to blame his/her spouse.

Why is there no sensitivity towards each other’s need? Because pride makes a person self-absorbed. The mission of a self-absorbed person is to crave pleasures for oneself, not caring for his/her spouse.

Why is there anger and impatience towards one another? Because pride makes a person a lover of self, thereby making him blind towards his own failures while focusing only on the weaknesses and offenses of the spouse. It demands perfection without being exemplary.

O, pride easily offends but cannot endure offense!

Pride intoxicates one with self-interest, self-ambition, and self-happiness. It causes one to be either demanding or manipulative in having their own way. It does not beget a selfless motive for the welfare of his spouse. Pride only motivates one to behave well as long as its own demands are met.

Even when his own way is meant for a noble cause, pride makes a person self-righteous, intolerant and brash when those "noble expectations" are not met in the spouse. It doesn't seek to humbly and patiently influence the spouse for good.

Humility in Marriage

If pride is the disease, then humility is the remedy. What a great virtue it is! How wonderful a marriage would be when humility is watered and cultivated in our hearts!

Humility in a person upholds the honor and welfare of one’s own spouse. It causes him to seek to understand the other person. It moves him to show respect in communication. It provokes him to be gentle in demeanor. It is quick to take responsibility for his own failures. It presses him to be an agent of exemplary influence rather than holding impractical and unequal expectations from his spouse.

Humility doesn't make one insist on his own way. It doesn’t promote fights or quarrels over one’s own rights. Rather, it fosters accommodation and encourages one to be cooperative. Humility doesn't allow one to treasure offense in their hearts, which is manifested in bitter reactions. It makes one patient and forgiving, and encourages him to make every effort to have peaceful relationships.

Even when the spouse is completely wrong in his/her conduct, humility comes along to help and resists the urge to be unkind in criticism. Humility is spouse-concerned, not self-centered.

Oh, in the age of rampant break down in marriages, don’t you think we need humility?

To see genuine change in marriages filled with strife, humility should continuously be allowed into us and pride should be constantly rooted out from within us.

As you read this, dear reader, give serious thought to why there are quarrels in your marriage. Are you feeding pride? If we feed pride in us, it will breed quarrel in marriages. If we cultivate humility in our hearts, it will spread serenity in our homes. What would you rather choose?

_________________________________________

Enquiries: 

messageforourage@gmail.com