"My Husband Doesn't Spend Time with Me"

During my life lived "under the sun", the complaint I have most often heard from women is this: "My husband doesn't spend time with me". While this is an emotion that probably men also share, I haven’t yet come across a man who complained about it.

Let this be clear: Husbands must certainly not ignore the feeling of grief their wives have about their dissatisfied relationship with them. Instead, they must commend the longing and love their wives have for them.

But what must wives do with the grief they have about their husbands not spending time with them?

Here is my most sincere counsel to wives for their consideration.

Firstly, examine yourself. Ask yourself if your desire towards spending time with your husband exceeds the longing you have towards your heavenly Father. Do you neglect your intimacy with God and pursue intimacy with your husband? Have you idolized your husband and try to find your security and satisfaction in him?

May I tell you the plain truth (which maybe a painful truth to some): Your husband can never satisfy you and meet all your needs. Only Christ is your all-sufficiency. You are first married to Christ, and you owe your utmost allegiance and devotion to Him.

Remember the words the Lord Jesus spoken to the Samaritan woman who was in the pursuit of finding her heart's satisfaction in several men:

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)

Most women claim to believe in Christ, but it seems to be only an intellectual confession because they haven't experienced the living water Christ pours on their thirsty hearts. As Jeremiah 2:13 reveals, they still desperately look to the broken cisterns, which is human relationships, rather than to the fountain of living waters, which is Christ Himself.

Your soul’s desperate need every day, therefore, is not for your husband but for Christ. So pursue your intimate relationship with Him. Long and seek communion with Him. Drink daily the living water at His feet. Make Him your strength, security, and satisfaction.

Secondly, think about your husband. Think about whether you are concerned about your husband's relationship with God! Do you encourage your husband to draw closer to God's heart? Are you an inspiration in his walk with his Creator?

Remember that God has made your husband, not for yourself, but for Himself. You do not own and possess your husband but God. You are not his life but Christ. You do not enthrone his heart—God alone does. Your husband doesn't exist for your happiness but for God's glory.

Your predominant responsibility in marriage, therefore, is to be a helper of your husband's walk with God. Here is a staggering fact that requires much consideration—A WOMAN WHO ENCOURAGES HER HUSBAND TO DRAW CLOSER TO GOD'S HEART DRAWS HIM CLOSER TO HER OWN HEART AS WELL.

Thirdly, let him know—gently. As you are desperate for your Maker and pursue an intimate relationship with Him, and as you encourage your husband in his walk with God—your desire to spend time with your husband will be noble and meaningful.

Instead of nagging your husband to spend time with you, gently share with him how much you love him, and enjoy spending time with him. Ask him what you can do to help him have sufficient time with you.

If necessary, seek the counsel of the elders of your church or some mature Christians to help you both enjoy a mutual love relationship in your married life. But remember to keep priorities intact.

Finally, do not lose heart! Despite seeking to help your husband have sufficient time with you, if all your attempts fail, do not lose your heart.

Christ Jesus, your eternal life, and heavenly husband, is always loving and faithful towards you. He loved you to the extent of laying His life on the cross for your sins. He will never leave you, nor forsake you, nor neglect you. You are the apple of His eye. If you give your heart to Him and make Him alone the King of your life, nothing can break your heart.

The Scripture reveals one of the things under which the earth trembles and cannot bear up, and that is—an unloved woman when she gets a husband (Proverbs 30:21-23). This woman would devour her husband for undivided attention, unfading affection, and undying satisfaction. How foolish it is for a woman to look for from her husband what only God can give!

Dear husbands, if you happen to read this message, be considerate towards your wives. If you love Christ and understand how much He loved the church and laid His life for her, give your time to your wives and encourage them in their walk with God (Eph. 5:25-33). Do not use the factor of finding your wives' sufficiency in Christ to evade your responsibility as a loving husband.

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