Every Wednesday evening I meet with young brothers for discipleship at my home. Recently, after having our discipleship meeting, my wife went into our children’s room to check on them. To her astonishment, she observed our eldest son, Joy, filled with tears in his eyes. She inquired the reason for his tears. He didn’t open up.
After some gentle persuasion, he said he cried because his younger brother, Joe, hit him. He couldn’t say anything further. But my wife was not convinced because she felt he was not honestly sharing his feelings.
Without giving up, as my wife further inquired, he eventually opened up saying, “Mummy, after Joe hit me, he so sweetly apologized for hitting me that it made me to cry.”
Joy (8 yrs) wept not because he was hit by Joe (6 yrs) but because of Joe’s sweet apology.
What power lies in apology! A kid is moved to tears by an apology. Not only so, even a tough guy may be broken by an apology. Famed boxer Muhammad Ali said, “If you ever dream of beating me you better wake up and apologize.”
Well, we all know—asking apology is not as easy as committing offense. It appears to break our heart more than we broke the heart of offended ones. It seems to be self-humiliating, degrading oneself before others. But this is what I have indeed observed—great honor is reserved for a person who apologizes for his mistakes than for the one who justifies himself or silently ignores his blunders.
Asking Apology is Saintly
“To err is human” is a famous maxim, but do we hear “to ask apology is human”? We know the latter is unpopular. We humans are known for committing mistakes, not for asking apologies. I think if to err is human and to forgive is divine then to ask apology is saintly.
I have learned to often encourage others with these words—if you want to become better men, make it your habit to sincerely say two things—Thank You and I am Sorry. The former is perhaps easy to say but how difficult it is to admit the latter!
Much of the problems that exist in interpersonal relationships are not because of some conflicts or offense, for as sinful beings we cannot evade them. They exist because of lack of apology.
Where there are conflicts and offense but no apology, there is for sure an end to intimate relationship. Apology is dynamite which could break the wall of barriers in relationships.
How many broken relationships can be restored just with humble apology! What tremendous healing it brings to broken hearts! How years of gap in relationships can be filled again with affection just with sincere and humble apology!Yet, who delights in denying himself?
I have seen again and again how accusatory attitude, self-justification and blame-others mentality erects huge walls in relationships that can perhaps never be broken down except by apology and forgiveness.
Confessing Sins to Each Other
The Lord Jesus precisely taught on the importance of confessing our sin to the offended person. He said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23-24).
How can reconciliation happen without confession and apology? Remember, reconciliation does not happen automatically. We have to take initiation to make restitution. It is not time that heals but apology.
The Holy Scripture exhorts, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). How easy it is to ask forgiveness to God but difficult to confess our sins to each other!
God commands us not only to seek His forgiveness but also to apologize to those whom we have offended. The humility of a person is tested not just by his confession of sin to God but also by his acknowledgment of sin before people.
Do we practice confessing our sins to each other?
It seems many of us are busy either impressing each other or accusing one another. There are so many living with their families, friends, colleagues, neighbors and church without ever apologizing to them! What should this speak about us—that we are most perfect or most arrogant?
Take note of this—lack of apologizing attitude feeds pride but asking apology cultivates humility. Let us humble ourselves and practice apology, both before God and offended ones, for this is how we obey the word which admonishes, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men” (Heb. 12:14).
When Did I Last Apologize?
Evan Roberts, the renowned Welsh revivalist, is known for asking people this question, “When was the last time you apologized?”
Watchman Nee says, “If the last apology was a very long time ago, something must be wrong. It is inconceivable that one could live for years without offending someone. More likely, we have offended others without being conscious of our sins. If so, it proves that something is wrong with our conscience; it is in darkness, void of light and sensitivity.”
Therefore, before we turn our attention to some other activity, let us examine our hearts and ask ourselves this question—When was the last time I apologized? Isn't it a noble thing to go and ask apology to those who deserve it?
Enquiries:
cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) stephen@tents-india.org
