"It Is Better Not To Marry!"

"IT IS BETTER NOT TO MARRY!" Don't get upset. These are not my words.

The Lord Jesus said, Moses told to give a certificate of divorce because of men's hardness of heart. "I say to you," asserted Christ, "whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9).

Hearing the Lord's firm words, the disciples were afraid and responded, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, IT IS BETTER NOT TO MARRY" (19:10). The disciples understood the seriousness of marriage that once a person is married, divorce is not an easy option. There is only entry but no exit. Marriage is a permanent commitment and not a temporal relationship.

Don't you suppose divorce is rampant today because such seriousness is greatly lacking in the married couples? When there are several reasons for divorce, marriage is not a severe and sober decision.

However, biblically, to marry someone is to keep the covenant of marriage until the heart stops beating and the soul leaves the body. For this reason, a man and woman must discern carefully before getting into a marital relationship. Why shouldn't they when marriage is a significant choice of living together for life?

Many who claim to "fall in love" do not "stand firm in marriage". They easily give up on marriage because they quickly get into it without considering the cost. No wonder, it isn't uncommon for marriages to crumble because couples marry based on excitement, attraction, and wild emotions that don't last long.

Do young men and women pray for God's wisdom to discern wisely their life-partner? Do they seek the counsel of mature people? Do they discuss the pros and cons of marriage? Do they honestly discuss their differences and weaknesses? Do they understand God's design for marriage and submit themselves to its authority? Do they know what it means to die to self in marriage? Are they aware of the tremendous responsibilities and potential conflicts that come along with marriage? Do they read books on marriage to prepare themselves well? Do they understand how the Gospel builds their marriage? Do they put emotions (cart) behind and reason (horse) before them?

Dear young men and women, here is my counsel: GET INTO MARRIAGE WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING. DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. IT IS A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. CONSIDER THE COST OF MARRIAGE. BE SOBER-MINDED. EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL.

To marry someone impulsively is dangerous and destructive. Marriage, in reality, is not like Hollywood and Bollywood movies (i.e. always romantic and erotic). It is a tough relationship on planet earth.

So prepare yourself well for marriage. Choose your life-partner wisely. Set the Holy Bible before you, mature people around you, the Lord Jesus Christ at the center, and get ego out of everything. Remember the words of disciples (who understood there is no easy way out of marriage): "It is better not to marry" (Matt. 19:10).

IT IS BETTER NOT TO MARRY IF YOU DON'T PREPARE YOURSELF BETTER FOR MARRIAGE.

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Enquiries: 

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"My Husband Doesn't Spend Time with Me"

During my life lived "under the sun", the complaint I have most often heard from women is this: "My husband doesn't spend time with me". While this is an emotion that probably men also share, I haven’t yet come across a man who complained about it.

Let this be clear: Husbands must certainly not ignore the feeling of grief their wives have about their dissatisfied relationship with them. Instead, they must commend the longing and love their wives have for them.

But what must wives do with the grief they have about their husbands not spending time with them?

Here is my most sincere counsel to wives for their consideration.

Firstly, examine yourself. Ask yourself if your desire towards spending time with your husband exceeds the longing you have towards your heavenly Father. Do you neglect your intimacy with God and pursue intimacy with your husband? Have you idolized your husband and try to find your security and satisfaction in him?

May I tell you the plain truth (which maybe a painful truth to some): Your husband can never satisfy you and meet all your needs. Only Christ is your all-sufficiency. You are first married to Christ, and you owe your utmost allegiance and devotion to Him.

Remember the words the Lord Jesus spoken to the Samaritan woman who was in the pursuit of finding her heart's satisfaction in several men:

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)

Most women claim to believe in Christ, but it seems to be only an intellectual confession because they haven't experienced the living water Christ pours on their thirsty hearts. As Jeremiah 2:13 reveals, they still desperately look to the broken cisterns, which is human relationships, rather than to the fountain of living waters, which is Christ Himself.

Your soul’s desperate need every day, therefore, is not for your husband but for Christ. So pursue your intimate relationship with Him. Long and seek communion with Him. Drink daily the living water at His feet. Make Him your strength, security, and satisfaction.

Secondly, think about your husband. Think about whether you are concerned about your husband's relationship with God! Do you encourage your husband to draw closer to God's heart? Are you an inspiration in his walk with his Creator?

Remember that God has made your husband, not for yourself, but for Himself. You do not own and possess your husband but God. You are not his life but Christ. You do not enthrone his heart—God alone does. Your husband doesn't exist for your happiness but for God's glory.

Your predominant responsibility in marriage, therefore, is to be a helper of your husband's walk with God. Here is a staggering fact that requires much consideration—A WOMAN WHO ENCOURAGES HER HUSBAND TO DRAW CLOSER TO GOD'S HEART DRAWS HIM CLOSER TO HER OWN HEART AS WELL.

Thirdly, let him know—gently. As you are desperate for your Maker and pursue an intimate relationship with Him, and as you encourage your husband in his walk with God—your desire to spend time with your husband will be noble and meaningful.

Instead of nagging your husband to spend time with you, gently share with him how much you love him, and enjoy spending time with him. Ask him what you can do to help him have sufficient time with you.

If necessary, seek the counsel of the elders of your church or some mature Christians to help you both enjoy a mutual love relationship in your married life. But remember to keep priorities intact.

Finally, do not lose heart! Despite seeking to help your husband have sufficient time with you, if all your attempts fail, do not lose your heart.

Christ Jesus, your eternal life, and heavenly husband, is always loving and faithful towards you. He loved you to the extent of laying His life on the cross for your sins. He will never leave you, nor forsake you, nor neglect you. You are the apple of His eye. If you give your heart to Him and make Him alone the King of your life, nothing can break your heart.

The Scripture reveals one of the things under which the earth trembles and cannot bear up, and that is—an unloved woman when she gets a husband (Proverbs 30:21-23). This woman would devour her husband for undivided attention, unfading affection, and undying satisfaction. How foolish it is for a woman to look for from her husband what only God can give!

Dear husbands, if you happen to read this message, be considerate towards your wives. If you love Christ and understand how much He loved the church and laid His life for her, give your time to your wives and encourage them in their walk with God (Eph. 5:25-33). Do not use the factor of finding your wives' sufficiency in Christ to evade your responsibility as a loving husband.

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Enquiries: 

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How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?

Only For the Married

This article is about “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is about “wife.” As a Christian, I believe in the Word of God which teaches that premarital sex and extramarital sex are sin in the sight of the holy God (1 Cor. 6:18; Gal. 5:19). If there is no repentance for engaging into such sins, there are eternal consequences every person ought to face (Rev. 21:8). 

But, according to God’s Word, sex is sacredly satisfying with your wife. It is God’s wonderful gift which is to be enjoyed within the boundary of marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-5). And this message is only for married men who are desperate for a fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

Sex is Not Initially Exciting for Wives

Why the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is regarding “excitement about sex.” Men are basically excited about sex, all the time. When women are newly married, they too are indeed fascinated about sex. However, sooner or later, their sexual drive seemingly declines. You will understand why this happens as you read further.  

At this stage, many men suffer from sexual dissatisfaction in their married life. They feel rejected and disappointed whenever their sexual advances are turned down by their wives. As a result, some get addicted to watching porn and some fall into extramarital affairs in order to gratify their sexual passions. But there are those who do not want to commit such sins and are eager to know how to get back their wives excited about sex. 

Sex is Hard Work

Observe the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited about Sex?” It is about “how to get.” All married men know—sex in marriage is exciting, but to reach that exciting stage is hard work. When wives have kids to take care, work outside, manage house chores and face conflicts either at home or outside—all these draining them emotionally—it is not easy for wives to get excited about sex. 

Let me tell you the fact many husbands are unaware. Wives are excited about sex. They love sex. They enjoy sex. But the difference between them and us is—we are excited about it naturally, even when we are physically tired and emotionally upset; but for wives it does not come naturally, particularly when they are physically tired and emotionally upset. It is here that men face the challenge to understand their wives' lack of cooperation to have sex with them. 

Exciting Wives for Sex

Some husbands may be thinking I am going to speak about how to practice foreplay or orally stimulate wives to excite them for sex. Although this is important and necessary, I am not speaking here about the physical stimulation of wives for sex. I am speaking about something more important. 

Let me begin with how wives are NOT excited about sex. When husbands often lose their temper, when they treat their wives harshly, when they are insensitive to their reasonable needs, when they do not cooperate with them in house chores, when they do not shoulder family responsibilities, when they do not care for them emotionally, when they do not love them passionately—wives are not excited about sex. 

Here is the truth every husband must consider: You cannot inflict emotional pain to your wife and expect sexual pleasure from her. 

Sex Begins in the Kitchen

Christian psychologist, Kevin Leman, wrote an interesting book “Sex Begins in the Kitchen.” What he strongly presents is, “Sex is the culmination of honoring and loving interactions shared throughout the day.” How true! 

When husbands lovingly converse with their wives, assist them in kitchen, behave responsibly in family issues, spend quality time with them, be sensitive to their feelings, appreciate their good works, care for them in their sickness or discouragement, honor them before others, be patient with them when they fail, gently correct them at the right time and love them passionately—they make their wives excited when it comes to sex. 

Some of us husbands know this secret and we try to be nice with our wives only before sex. But our wives are not so dumb to believe our manipulative approaches towards them. When we wash dishes on a particular night, our wives immediately know why we do this occasional act. 

What makes our wives excited for sex is not at times the love and care we show towards them just when we want to have sex with them. It is the love and care we genuinely express towards them all the time which makes our wives excited for sex.

Here is another truth for husbands to ponder over: Wives delightfully yield themselves to have sex with their husbands when their husbands don’t treat them as just sexual objects or toys, but as queens worthy of love and care. When husbands put love before sex, they find fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

This does not mean husbands must be continually a “wife-pleaser”. I understand there are unhealthy demands and expectations of wives that husbands cannot meet. At such times, a husband can gently explain to her, pray for her perspective to change and even seek counseling from mature people. And he must do these things, not for the sake of sex, but out of love for her. 

But as far as possible, when a husband meets his wife’s reasonable expectations and needs, he proves himself to be a loving man, and his wife, in most cases, would love to enjoy sex with him.

Emotional Care Excites Sexual Feelings

This is quite important for husbands to know: It is not physical stimulation that primarily excites our wives for sex, but emotional care. When I asked my wife what her thoughts are about this statement, she replied, “ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.”

I have been married to my beautiful wife for eighteen years and I candidly claim: whenever my wife felt emotionally cared by me, she was excited for sex. Whenever she felt neglected by me, she despised sex. 

A friend of mine, who is a husband and father, sincerely shared with me about how he and his wife have sex a couple of times in a week. And I know how this man ardently loves and cares for his wife. No wonder, his wife is excited to have sex with him. 

I have learned this significant lesson: A wife rewards her husband with sex when she emotionally feels loved by him. And sex becomes satisfying and fulfilling in marriage when wives engage in sex with a sense of being loved and cared by their husbands. But when husbands forcefully engage their wives in sex without caring for them emotionally, they make their sexual life more dissatisfied in marriage. 

This may sound shocking to many husbands, but this is nevertheless true—in many marriages, husbands are primarily responsible to kill the excitement for sex in their wives by their negligence to love and care for them.  

Therefore, husbands, are we willing to change our attitude, talk, tone and conduct towards our wives? Are we ready to behave responsibly in family life? Are we committed to love our wives as Christ loved the church and laid his life for her? (Eph. 5:25) Are you willing to become a real “man” and a sacrificial “hero” with whom your wife is excited to have sex?

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Note: There are few men to whom sex is not that exciting and their wives are frustrated with their sexual impotency. If you are such a man, please read this article: "Why Sex is So Important to Your Wife?"

Related Post: Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together?

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Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com 

(or)

messageforourage@gmail.com

Jesus Speaks on Live-in Relationship

Once I was speaking to a young woman who was excited about the prospect of getting married. After some interaction with her, getting to know something about her boyfriend, I finally asked her, “Where does he stay?” She said, “We live together.” I didn’t properly understand. When I asked her again, I realized that they are living together in the same house.

The things that were quite uncommon in the past are becoming most common today. Live-in relationship is one such, which is becoming an acceptable lifestyle, particularly in the urban societies. The Hollywood movies, even the rising Bollywood, are enough to testify regarding the commonness of live-relationship in our time.

There is an ongoing debate between the proponents of live-in relationship and traditional marriage.  Amidst the confusing and conflicting voices on this issue, what does the Lord Jesus Christ has to say about it?

Jesus and Samaritan Woman

One day, Jesus was passing through Samaria. He approached a Samaritan village called Sychar. After walking miles and miles, he was worn out. Feeling tired, he sat down at the well.

At the same time, a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well. It seems, she had a marred reputation among her people. However, Jesus loved the company of sinners for godly impact. In His conversation with her, He mentioned about the living water. He said,

“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14).

The Samaritan woman was intrigued to hear about the living water that Jesus offered to her. The living water that the Lord mentioned is the eternal life. Still thinking of it only as a physical benefit, not wanting to lose this opportunity, she immediately asked Jesus to give her the living water.

Then Jesus wanted her to do something. He said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here”. She said, “I have no husband.” And Jesus spoke something about her secret life, which stunned her. He said, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” (John 4:16-18)

Observe the last part of the sentence, “the one you now have is not your husband.” In what relationship was this Samaritan woman? At that time, it was called an immoral        relationship. Today, in our morally diluted culture, it is called, “Live-in relationship.”

Live-in Relationship

Live-in relationship is a relationship in which a man and a woman live together and have active sexual life without formal marriage. Some even have children out of this relationship.

Some get into live-relationship so that they may avoid the mess of legal divorce. Some want to test each other whether they can get formally married by living together for a while. If the relationship does not work, they break up. All the sex they had was only a part of test.

And some hate the idea of formal marriage, which has various family responsibilities. So they just desire to live together as long as they can. They like having fun in life without responsibilities.

Whatever the reasons, the Lord Jesus has serious concerns about live-in relationship. He deliberately asked the Samaritan woman to get her husband, because He knew she was living with a man who is not her husband and that it is sin.

By revealing her secret life, what we call live-in relationship, the Lord Jesus wanted her to know, without condemning her, “If you want the living water, the eternal life, you need to be up-front about your live-in relationship.”

Because it was an obstacle for her to receive the eternal life, the Lord Jesus gently brought up before her the sin of live-in relationship.

How many are far from eternal life because of their indulgence in live-in relationship! They are blinded of the fact that their present pleasurable relationship will soon end up in inescapable pain.

Sex Apart from Marriage is Sin

According to the Holy Scripture, living together and sharing sexual life apart from marriage is sin against God. Sex is God’s gift to mankind, which is to be enjoyed only in the boundary of marriage.

Marriage is a God-ordained relationship, which comes into existence in a couple by making a covenant between each other. This covenant is made to live together permanently by loving one another and by being faithful to each other.

But many modern couples are afraid of such permanent covenant. They deliberately ignore the standards of God and get into live-in relationship. And some try to convince themselves saying, “We may anyhow get married. So, what’s the problem in having sex before marriage?”

But God does have problem. Since He created man and woman as moral beings, as sex is a gift from Him to mankind, He has every right to say how to use it and how not to abuse it.

The Lord has clearly stated in His word that sex between man and man, between woman and woman, between unmarried man and unmarried woman, between married person and another person who is not one's own marriage partner—all these are sin against Him. (Rom. 1:26-27; Heb. 13:4)

Listen to what the Scripture says, “Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). In other words, “Because of the temptation to have sex apart from marriage, which is sin and immoral, each man and each woman should get married and have sex with their own spouse.”

Also, in Hebrews 13:4, it is written, “Let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Observe, it does not say, “Let the sexual bed be undefiled.” It says, “Let the marriage bed be undefiled.”

Marriage bed is a figurative language, which means, sexual intercourse within marriage. Having sexual intercourse either apart from marriage or outside of marriage defiles the marital relationship. Sexual intercourse is meant to be enjoyed only between husband and wife within marriage.

Those who abuse sexual intercourse are called sexually immoral and adulterous. Sexually immoral is a person who has sex with someone who is not a lawful spouse. And adulterous is a married person who has sex with someone who is not his or her marriage partner.

Sadly, the Holy Scripture asserts that God will judge them. Although many have no fear of God, much less are cautioned by God's judgment, the time will when they have to give an account to the Living God of all their immoral activities.

Final Words

Dear readers, if you are in a live-in relationship, may I let you know that it is sin which leads to eternal death. It even destroys your current relationship and your bright future. But Jesus had paid the price for your sin by laying His life on the cross. If only you repent of your sin, God is gracious to forgive your sin and gives you a new beginning.

Regarding your live-in relationship, you either flee from it or immediately get married to your partner. Do not choose to run your life by your own standards only to destroy the wonderful life God has given you.

Like the Samaritan woman, face the fact of your immoral or live-in relationship and find forgiveness and new beginning in Christ Jesus.

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Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) messageforourage@gmail.com

Number One Reason for Marital Conflicts

Marriage is a covenantal relationship ordained by God in which a man and a woman are joined together to have mutual love relationship.

Yet, when it comes to practical living, married couples do not always enjoy their relationship as God intended them to, as husband and wife. Once married couple begins to live together under one shelter—sooner or later—conflicts become an inevitable and unwanted challenge in their daily lives.

When we look at marriages around us, many couples seem to be working like oxen, pulling their marital carts forward with great difficulty. It is a sad fact that many marriages are increasingly ending up divorced and causing much heartbreak. All these are a result of interpersonal conflicts.

Well, why do we encounter conflicts in marriage? Why do husbands and wives often quarrel? Why are they unable to get along and live in peace together?

Psychologists and marriage counselors say that quarrels in marriage occur due to lack of mutual understanding, lack of appropriate communication, lack of self-esteem, lack of sensitivity to one another’s needs and so on.

To be sure, these reasons cannot be denied. But let us not suppose these to be the root causes. They are problems on the surface. These are just symptoms. Without dealing with the root issues, all our counsel and efforts to resolve conflicts in marriage would be like watering an artificial plant—it will bear no fruit.

Number One Reason

There is one evil which is deeply embedded in our hearts. This disease has sickened many marriages. This weapon has destroyed many families. This toxic nature has brought misery to many married lives. This is the number one reason for marital conflicts.

What is it?

The Holy Bible says, “Pride only breeds quarrels” (Pro. 13:10).

The number reason for marital conflicts is PRIDE. We may not like to hear this, but the fact is—the reason why husbands and wives often get into quarrels is due to pride in their hearts.

Why is there no mutual understanding in marriage? Because pride makes a person focused on oneself. A self-focused person cannot understand his/her spouse.

Why is there no respectful communication? Because pride makes a person egotistical. An egotistical person doesn’t treat his/her spouse with respect.

Why do married couples resort to blaming one another? Because pride makes a person self-righteous. A self-righteous person will not accept one’s own faults but tries to blame his/her spouse.

Why is there no sensitivity towards each other’s need? Because pride makes a person self-absorbed. The mission of a self-absorbed person is to crave pleasures for oneself, not caring for his/her spouse.

Why is there anger and impatience towards one another? Because pride makes a person a lover of self, thereby making him blind towards his own failures while focusing only on the weaknesses and offenses of the spouse. It demands perfection without being exemplary.

O, pride easily offends but cannot endure offense!

Pride intoxicates one with self-interest, self-ambition, and self-happiness. It causes one to be either demanding or manipulative in having their own way. It does not beget a selfless motive for the welfare of his spouse. Pride only motivates one to behave well as long as its own demands are met.

Even when his own way is meant for a noble cause, pride makes a person self-righteous, intolerant and brash when those "noble expectations" are not met in the spouse. It doesn't seek to humbly and patiently influence the spouse for good.

Humility in Marriage

If pride is the disease, then humility is the remedy. What a great virtue it is! How wonderful a marriage would be when humility is watered and cultivated in our hearts!

Humility in a person upholds the honor and welfare of one’s own spouse. It causes him to seek to understand the other person. It moves him to show respect in communication. It provokes him to be gentle in demeanor. It is quick to take responsibility for his own failures. It presses him to be an agent of exemplary influence rather than holding impractical and unequal expectations from his spouse.

Humility doesn't make one insist on his own way. It doesn’t promote fights or quarrels over one’s own rights. Rather, it fosters accommodation and encourages one to be cooperative. Humility doesn't allow one to treasure offense in their hearts, which is manifested in bitter reactions. It makes one patient and forgiving, and encourages him to make every effort to have peaceful relationships.

Even when the spouse is completely wrong in his/her conduct, humility comes along to help and resists the urge to be unkind in criticism. Humility is spouse-concerned, not self-centered.

Oh, in the age of rampant break down in marriages, don’t you think we need humility?

To see genuine change in marriages filled with strife, humility should continuously be allowed into us and pride should be constantly rooted out from within us.

As you read this, dear reader, give serious thought to why there are quarrels in your marriage. Are you feeding pride? If we feed pride in us, it will breed quarrel in marriages. If we cultivate humility in our hearts, it will spread serenity in our homes. What would you rather choose?

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Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together? [Part 2]

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2) The object of sexual stimulation should be the body of your own spouse, not sexually explicit pictures and videos wherein the other person’s body is viewed for sensual provocation. 

Many don’t give careful thought to what happens when couples watch pornography together for the purpose of stimulating themselves to have sexual intercourse. Are they are not receiving sensual stimulation from others’ bodies, nakedness and sexual act? Don’t you think the bodies of other people would become more stimulating for them than the body of their own spouse? Who ultimately is your source of sexual pleasure—your own spouse or that sexually explicit person in porn?

Here is a fact which many are unaware. Porn stars often build up the structure of their bodies for public attraction. Their breasts and genitals are enhanced surgically. They project themselves in such a sexy way that they become irresistibly fascinating. Chris Hedges, in "Empire of Illusion", describes this gruesome deception:

The porn films are not about sex. Sex is airbrushed and digitally washed out of the films. There is no acting because none of the women are permitted to have what amounts to a personality. The one emotion they are allowed to display is an unquenchable desire to satisfy men, especially if that desire involves the women’s physical and emotional degradation. The lightning in the films is harsh and clinical. Pubic hair is shaved off to give the women the look of young girls or rubber dolls. Porn, which advertises itself as sex, is a bizarre, bleached pantomime of sex. The acts onscreen are beyond human endurance. The scenarios are absurd. The manicured and groomed bodies, the huge artificial breasts, the pouting oversized lips, the erections that never go down, and the sculpted bodies are unreal. Makeup and production mask blemishes. There are no beads of sweat, no wrinkle lines, no human imperfections. Sex is reduced to a narrow spectrum of sterilized dimensions. It does not include the dank smell of human bodies, the thump of a pulse, taste, breath—or tenderness. Those in films are puppets, packaged female commodities. They have no honest emotion, are devoid of authentic human beauty, and resemble plastic. Pornography does not promote sex, if one defines sex as a shared act between two partners. It promotes masturbation. It promotes the solitary auto-arousal that precludes intimacy and love. Pornography is about getting yourself off at someone else’s expense. [pg. 57]

Now how does this impact the couple who watch these unusual bodies? The bodies of their own spouses become unappealing in comparison to those projected in porn. Women in particular may feel inferior when they see their body structure not as fascinating as women in porn. Men may even compare their wives with those women in porn, finding themselves more dissatisfied with their wives and more lustful towards other women. They may crave and cherish more of who they see and what they see in porn than their actual marriage partner.

Some women from a study stated:

“I am no longer sexually attractive or desirable to him.” “He’s more attracted to the women depicted in the movies, magazines, and websites than he is to me, and I feel completely unable to compete with these women.” Research has shown that most men experience decreased sexual intimacy with their marriage partner when they are given to porn.  (The Men’s and Women’s Program, 2011, pg. 140-141)

Dear couples, do you hear this? In making a decision to watch porn alone or with your spouse, rather than resisting it, you are making a choice to lose yourself from each other’s world. Beware, it could also become an addiction without which, i.e. without looking at the naked bodies and sexual intercourse of other people, you cannot enjoy sex together.

Besides, here is another dangerous thing that could happen when couples watch porn: When watching porn together with a purpose of engaging into sexual activity, there is a high possibility for either of them or both to secretly fantasize having sex with the person in porn while actually having sex with their own spouse. Take note of this: since mind is prone to easily absorb sensual images, what we watch has a terrible impact upon how we think, fantasize and act.

One woman expressed her embarrassment this way: "I am no longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is not really with me, not really making love to me… He seems to be thinking about something else – likely those porn women… He is just using me as a warm body." (Study by Bergner & Bridges, 2002) 

Therefore, dear husbands and wives, let the source and contentment of sexual pleasure be the body of your spouse, not those sexually explicit images and videos of strangers that rob true sexual pleasure within marriage.

Some justify watching porn to learn some sex positions in order to enjoy good sex in marriage. However, the fact is pornography mostly portrays sex in unrealistic ways, particularly hardcore porn wherein sexual images and videos are more violent and has negative impact upon sexual relationship with one’s spouse. But there are good books written with balance and decency about how to stimulate each other sexually, providing good sex techniques for sexual fulfillment in marriage. The following are some books which I confidently recommend:

• The Acts of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye 
• Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Ed and Gaye Wheat 
  
• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman 
• The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham 
  
• Answers for Your Marriage by Bruce and Carol Britten [continued next page...] | 2 of 3

Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together? [Part 1]

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One day my wife and I happened to visit a married couple. As I was discussing about marital issues with them, the woman candidly asked me a question—“Is it okay for my husband and me to watch pornography together? Someone known to me suggested it is sexually healthy for a couple to watch porn together.”

There are many misleading voices these days, saying—“Watching porn together is one of the best ways a couple can connect.” “Watching porn together strengthens your sexual relationship.” “Watching porn together adds fuel into your dry marriage.” I have even found an article entitled, “Couples who watch porn together stay together.”

According to a debate on Times of India.com on whether couples are okay with watching porn together, 53 pct felt that it was perfectly natural, while 43 pct held it to be morally degrading. If this is the perspective in a more conservative and traditional nation like India, which is now becoming more liberal in moral issues, I can imagine the vote for couples watching porn together would be even higher in the West.

Although many may voice against watching pornography alone for personal pleasure, there are numerous people assuming that it is good to watch porn as a couple. They suppose it boosts their sexual life in marriage, but without discerning its side effects.

According to God’s word, I strongly believe it is wrong, even sinful, for a married couple, or anyone for that matter, to watch pornography. It is detrimental to one’s personal and marital life.

Want reasons? Here they are:

1) It is a shameful thing to watch the nakedness of a person other than your spouse.

When Adam and Eve were created by God, they were naked all the time and felt no shame (Gen. 2:25). But after they sinned against God, they realized their nakedness and felt shameful (Gen. 3:7). Since then, man and woman have become sinful and their hearts corrupted. Their eyes have fallen short of viewing nakedness with sanctity. For this reason, we cover our body with clothes, not only to protect it from cold, heat and dust, but also from sinful eyes which craves to feed on nakedness.

The only time a man and woman lose their shame when they look at the nakedness of each other is during sexual activity. Apart from the act of sex, even husband and wife would be ashamed before each other to live always naked in the house. (Of course, there are exceptions in the case of nudists who are weird folks in society)

Sex (during which a man and woman relish the naked bodies of each other) is God’s gift to mankind, which is to be enjoyed within the boundary of marriage, both for the purpose of reproduction and mutual pleasure. Outside of marriage, whether to think, view and participate in sex is biblically called “sexual immorality” or “immoral use of sex”.

Although this is a figurative language expressing the backslidden state of God’s people, see how it is a shameful thing to expose one’s nakedness, “When she [Jerusalem] carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her nakedness, I [the Lord] turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister [Samaria]” (Eze. 23:18). Look at the judgment prophesied by Habbakuk, "Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin till they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies” (2:15). 

What do these Scriptures speak? The loving God detests deliberate exposure of nakedness before others, particularly with sensual intent and evoking sensual feelings inappropriately. If exposing one’s nakedness sensually is sinful, is it not sinful too to sensually watch the nakedness of other people? Is not pornography a lustful gaze at other people's nakedness?

However, when it comes to marriage, it is plainly written, “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife” (1 Cor. 7:4). In marriage, the Holy Bible says it is good to give each other their bodies for mutual pleasure. It is wrong, in fact, for a married couple not to offer each other their bodies for sex, except by mutual consent, for Satan will tempt them to sin outside of marriage because of their lack of self-control (7:5).

Therefore, since a person’s body and the enjoyment of its nakedness belong to one’s own spouse, don’t you suppose it is a shameful and sinful thing to watch the naked body of another person who is not your wife or your husband for sexual stimulation, whether watching it alone or with your spouse?

Remember, nakedness, which is cherished during the act of sex, is a private property of one’s spouse, not a public exposure to all. [continued next page...] |  1 of 3

Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together? [Part 3]

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3) Watching pornography together may create more distance between one another, particularly during interpersonal problems.

There are those who are misled into thinking that watching pornography together will build sexual intimacy in marriage. Let us examine this fallacy. 

I think, we all agree that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are good times and there are bad times. When times are good, a husband and wife may enjoy each other sexually, but when difficult times come, i.e. interpersonal problems, where do you think they may turn to satisfy themselves?

When husband and wife offend each other and when wife is not in a mood to have sex with her husband, there is a great possibility for her husband to turn to porn for some physical satisfaction. He who is used to watch with his wife will now watch alone for his personal pleasure. This may even lead to addiction to porn, even to some extramarital affair, eventually leading to disastrous family life.

You know, sometimes it is the hunger for sexual satisfaction which drives a man to get reconciled with his wife and to please her. Of course, this may not always be the best motive, but there is at least some good in it which unites him again with his wife. I believe, one of the reasons why God has blessed man with "testosterone hormones" [major sex hormones in males] is so that he would always cleave to his wife. 

But pornography may rob this possibility, driving a man to nude images and videos of other women and finally leading to emotional and physical affair with others.

In a marriage relationship wherein a husband and wife look to each other alone for sexual satisfaction—they cannot stay far away from each other for a long time. Sadly, in our present age, many are looking for sexual satisfaction beyond their marriage partner, consequently leading to irreconcilable relationship and family break-up.

Therefore, don’t you think spouses should discourage each other from watching porn, whether watching together or alone? Don't you see pornography creates more distance in marriage than intimacy?

Final Words
Sex is not just about the union of two bodies for some physical pleasure. It is most importantly the expression of love within marriage wherein a husband and wife give themselves to each other for one another’s pleasure and satisfaction. For porn stars, sex comes at a price of money or for something else. But in marriage, sex comes at a price of love.

Everyone who is married for sometime may agree to this—to enjoy sex constantly and satisfyingly in marriage, one need to work hard on denying self and loving one’s spouse. Sex is often a gift coupon received for some loving acts towards one’s spouse. For example, when a wife is greatly pleased with affectionate acts manifested by her husband towards her, will she not easily yield to romance and sex?

So, what does this speak?  Sex is a pleasure enjoyed in love relationship. Where there is no love, sex loses its purpose, vigor and true satisfaction.

You know, when marriage turns dry and boring, it is not primarily because of lack of good sex, but because of lack of affection for each other. It is because of lack of proper communication. It is because of lack of romance (apart from sex). So the remedy is not watching porn for healthy sex, but improving communication, affection and romance, which inescapably leads to having a healthy sexual life in marriage.

The saddest thing in pornography is that there is no manifestation of love. You see just those unmarried partners treating each other like sexual objects.  And those who are used to watch porn learn to treat their spouses as simply sexual objects and unlearn how to love another. But God has created sex to have more meaningful expression of love which couples are privileged to enjoy as a result of loving each other.

Let me close this article with a thought by King Solomon, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love” (Pro. 5:15-19).

In other words, “Seek sexual satisfaction from your spouse alone. Don't let others to take that place. Don’t look for sexual satisfaction outside your marriage [in our age, turning to porn or to some illicit affair]. Don’t share sex with others. Rejoice in your spouse, enjoy the body of your spouse and may you ever be satisfied by your spouse's love. Let your wife or husband be the only person in whom you find your physical satisfaction.” 

Finally, if you, as a believer, are engaged in watching porn, alone or together with your spouse, I encourage you to flee and resist such temptation by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. And if you don't know Christ personally and are caught up in this bondage, I would like to let you know that Christ died for your sins and rose again from the dead to offer you forgiveness of your sins and eternal life. If you trust in Him, you will not only find forgiveness of your sins, but as you keep growing in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, you would also learn to grow in loving one another as a blessed family in the Lord. [go to first page] |  3 of 3

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Divorce: Diminishing the Uniqueness of Christianity

Last Friday, on March 30th, 2012, we conducted a gospel meeting in our training center. It was a joy to witness the presence of unbelievers who came to listen to the message apprehensively. The one who ministered to the participants, brother Vimal, came from Gujarat, which is one of the challenging states in India for gospel work. For the entire time, he shared his wonderful testimony—how he came to Christ from a strong Hindu background and how his life and family were radically transformed by the power of the gospel of Christ. 

What struck me in his testimony was his marriage life which went through severe crisis and crumbled. He and his wife came to such a point of bitter experience towards each other that they eventually got divorced. Then came a time in his life, when he was in utter despair, he heard the gospel of Christ Jesus from a pastor, who was a former Muslim, and was convicted of its truth. He put his trust in Christ and witnessed amazing change in his heart.

What happened later is quite interesting. He went in search for his divorced wife and when he found her, he shared with her the dramatic change that took place in his life and humbly asked for reconciliation. She was surprised to see the evidential change and agreed to recommit herself to him. Since they both were already divorced, they got remarried and now they serve the Lord Jesus Christ as a blessed family. Their family is now a tremendous blessing to many people.


Losing Christian Saltiness
After I listened to his testimony, I wondered how the gospel of Christ Jesus not only saved this brother’s family from eternal destruction, but also rebuilt his family and made them one in God. I wanted to rush to the unbelievers and testify about what the gospel of Christ can do in the life of a person, bringing transformation in every aspect of life. But then I paused and thought—what if they point out to so many Christian families who are divorced. There are more people today who are getting divorced as Christians and testimonies like getting reunited in Christ are seldom heard.

I think if the brother who shared his testimony comes to know how numerous Christians are getting divorced every year, particularly in the West, he would be shocked. He may question, “I thought, by believing in Christ, the broken marital relationships can be healed but how can you people leave your marriage partners even after claiming to believe in Christ?”

How Christianity is losing its uniqueness and saltiness in the area of marriage! Rather than the world looking at Christians and getting attracted to the gospel by seeing Christian marriages built in love and unity, they are now questioning the validity of the gospel in changing lives by pointing to divorced Christians. The authors, James Kennedy and Jerry Newcombe said it right:

Every time a family in the church gets a divorce, the testimony of the church is weakened. How are we going to say to the world, "God has the answer to the problems of marriage and divorce" if divorce is common in our ranks? People then say, "Oh really! Well, the statistics show that you're right behind the world when it comes to divorce. (Lord of All: Developing a Christian World-and-Life View, pg. 254)

God Hates Divorce
God made it quite clear in His word, “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16). He hates divorce because marriage is His design, not man's invention, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Matt. 19:6). Jesus said, “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32).

It is not surprising if the world is breaking God’s laws, but it is aching to see so many Christians openly rebelling against God’s word, getting divorced without biblical grounds and going for remarriage when it is in fact adultery. It seems they are looking more to the world for their inspiration than into the Word. They are not seeing how sinful this is in the sight of the loving Christ who loved us and laid His life for us on the cross. They are not understanding how displeasing it is to the holy God, and if there is no true brokenness of heart and repentance, they have to give an account to Him when they face the judgment seat of Christ.

There may be many shallow causes, but I believe, the primary reason for divorce in Christian families is this—there is no reverential fear of God and appropriate biblical role, either by any one or both partners. Of course, we may go to church, sing songs, read the Bible, offer short prayers and even participate in church activities, but is there practice of God’s word in personal and family life? O, if we deny our selfishness and take up our cross and follow the Lord Jesus Christ, there would be more peace and joy in our Christian families than ever before!


Fight for Your Marriage
Since the world is failing to have perseverance and peace in family life, it is time for Christians to submit themselves to the authority of God’s word and represent to the world an exemplary family life. Did not Christ say, “You are the light of the world”? (Matt. 5:14) Sadly, when it comes to family life, many of us are more like the world rather than being the light to the world.

Don't you think it is time for us to repent of our sin of worldliness, live different and make a difference around us?

My wife and I have been married for more than thirteen years. I can say we are together only because of the gracious work of Christ Jesus in our lives. And I often remind my wife not to let our family life bring dishonor to God and to the gospel in any way. We have a lot of weaknesses and we have to fight together, by the grace of God, against all the temptations trying to ruin our relationship.

Remember, divorce diminishes the uniqueness of Christianity in this corrupted world. It is a stumbling block to the gospel of Christ Jesus. It brings grief to the Holy Spirit. It is dishonoring God’s word. It brings disgrace to the name of God, by whose name we are called. Moreover, it shatters the lives of marriage partners, even those of children. It brings hurt to the dear ones and well-wishers of the family. It does not bring about the righteous and loving life that God desires.

Therefore, for Christ’s sake, for God’s glory and honor, I plead with Christians to fight for our marriages to stay together. Let us seek God’s face, get godly counsel from mature ones, examine our own follies, talk to each other without accusing, but let us make every effort not to follow the footsteps of the world in giving up our partner to whom we have vowed before God, “I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Our Father in heaven, forgive us of our sin and selfishness. If we truly think about your glory and the welfare of our partner, our families would have been quite different today from the world. O Lord, we have become much like the world, focusing on self-love and self-desires. We are following the worldly standards and turned our back against your Word. We pray that you have mercy on us, bring revival in our Christian families and bless our homes with your abundant joy and peace. May our families live in such a way that the world would praise your name as you reveal Yourself holy to them through our exemplary lifestyle. We pray in Jesus Name. Amen.

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Marriage and Sex - Part 1

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What Destroys Your Children's Security and Tranquility

"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

The Holy Bible (Eph. 5:33)

Many parents suppose loving children gives them great security. Is this completely true? Does loving them what all that matters to children? Or are they expecting something more from their parents? I’m not exaggerating—we may heartily love our children and give them all the best, yet they may remain as insecure as ever. Surprised? How could this be possible?

Not long ago I was engaged in counseling a young girl who messed up her life by getting into things she shouldn’t. She had parents who loved her so much and gave everything they could for her. I was asked by her friend, “How come this girl felt lonely, insecure, in spite of having such caring parents?” I replied, “No matter how much parents love their children, if they do not love each other, they leave their children in absolute loneliness and insecurity.”

Parents—Love One Another
Many parents are not aware that the ongoing conflicts between them (husband and wife) would actually destroy their children's security and tranquility. I can never forget the scary face of my son, Joy, when my wife and I used to often quarrel. It’s obvious on children’s face—that sense of abandonment, insecurity, confusion and loneliness—when their parents fight before them. Home is a place where children feel most secure, and if that home were in a mess, where else would they go? It would be surprising to know how many children dislike going home just because of the absence of peace therein.

Some frustrated parents say to each other, “I am done with you. I have no love for you. If I am going to live with you under this shelter it is only for the welfare of my children.” As sacrificial as their love seems toward their children, pediatrician and author Wilson Wayne Grant made a striking statement, “The most important possession any child can have is two happy, well-adjusted parents who deeply love each other.”

Ah, it is not uncommon for a husband and wife to experience the decline of love and affection in their marital life. When love is dying in marriage, it is good for parents to rekindle their affection for one another by working towards identifying and destroying those marriage killers rather than live as either strangers or enemies under one shelter, thereby disrupting their children's security and safety. Loving one another is not only essential for the security and joy of husbands and wives but also for the emotional wellness and mental happiness of children.

Kindly understand—children hate to see their parents living in conflicts. If you want confirmation, ask your children. When I asked my child’s opinion about his parents getting into conflicts, he promptly responded—with an expression of disgust on his face—that he detests seeing his parents quarrel with each other. I find my children elated with joy when my wife and I enjoy one another. I have learned, the secret of children’s happiness is in a loving, happy relationship between their father and mother. This may be surprising to many: research shows that it is not divorce per se that harms children, but the continuing conflict between parents. Children are going to suffer as long as their parents don’t live at peace each other, whether it leads to divorce or not.

Children’s Craving for a Happy Home
Do you know what our children crave for at home? It is a loving and peaceful atmosphere. Are we parents making every effort to create such an aura of peace and tranquility at home wherein our children feel most secure? Is our home a haven for our children? Let me tell you a fact—Children would rather love to stay in a shanty filled with bliss than in a mansion full of conflicts.

Can our children testify, “There is no place on earth—wherein I feel secure, accepted and loved—like my home?” I come across numerous young people who share how their parents constantly fight and shout at each other, causing great trouble and distraction in their (children's) lives. The mental agony they undergo because of conflicts between their mother and father is insurmountable. Sometime back a case study was done among young students to determine what caused them the highest degree of sadness, anxiety and depression. Here are the causes—having parents separate or divorce, having parents argue with one another, and having parents who didn’t spend enough time with them.

Dear parents, are you aware the kind of influence you are going to have on your children the way you get along with each other?

I once asked a young man, “What is it that you most hate in your parents?” These are his heart-rending words: “Fight and heated argument between mom and dad. This has affected both of us (brothers) a lot. It ruins the peace. It destroys our day. It is embarrassing because neighbors get to know. Lots of sad consequences we children have to face as a result of parents quarreling with each other.”

Can parents hear the cry of such children?

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3 Questions To Ask When You Marry

"She is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."

The Holy Bible (1 Cor. 7:39b)

It is well said that next to believing in the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior there is no decision as crucial as marriage. It is a decision which calls for great thoughtfulness, prayer and counsel. It is a decision which can make the rest of your life either a blessing or utterly miserable. It is a decision, which if made with utmost carefulness, you would not reap unnecessary regrets. It is a decision about which if you make a wise choice can bring immense joy to you, your children, and above all, glory to God.

Oh, it is regretful to see so many believers making a wrong choice when it comes to marriage! I have seen how they go against God’s word to marry unbelievers and reaping unavoidable, painful consequences. God made it quite clear in His word, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14). Therefore, no matter how seemingly good your intentions are and whatever superficial reasons you may find to justify your actions, do you suppose you can have an absolutely blessed married life by making a choice to marry against the standards of God’s Word? In nothing does the folly of a believer show itself more clearly, after so many warnings from God's word, than in this cursed fascination and stubbornness of running into an affair with an unbeliever who is not born of the Spirit.

The Living God loves you and loves seeing you enjoy His blessings by living in accordance with His word. He doesn’t want you to compromise when it comes to this most crucial decision of your life. I believe, there are scores of miserable believers who would do anything if they happen to get a chance to go back and change their decision to marry an unbeliever or a nominal Christian. Hence, before it is too late to change, the following three questions to assist you in making a wise choice:

1) Am I Giving to Myself a Person Who Encourages Me in My Walk with God?

A believer knows that his/her happiness is dependent upon the right relationship with the Creator of the heavens and the earth. Marriage by itself doesn’t bring joy and peace; God should be the centre of our life to enjoy on-going bliss. But there are temptations which often come on our way, robbing us from taking delight in our relationship with Christ. And we also know that Christian life is not always walking on the path of roses; there would be thorns and thistles on our way; there are afflictions and disappointments. Encouragement is something which is greatly necessary in our cross-carrying life and who else could encourage you more than your spouse, your constant companion!

So, in regard to your choice of marriage partner, what kind of an encouragement would that person be in your life with God? Would you be able to become a better Christian? What a blessing it would be when your spouse motivates you, saying, "May God be the centre of our family", "Come let’s pray together", "Have you read your Bible today?", "Don’t give up, let’s trust God", "We shouldn’t neglect church fellowship", "Let’s help others"…etc.

Oh, how many believers married an unbelieving spouse and have ended up with no encouragement in their spiritual life! I believe—it is one of the devil’s subtle traps to tempt a passionate believer to marry an unbeliever in order to make that person dispassionate. How many believers, because of marrying a Christless spouse, became lukewarm in their spiritual life, having lost that first love! Although, in some cases, their unbelieving spouse may take good care of them physically, they are still joyless and restless because of spiritual emptiness. Lord Jesus said, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4).

Consider, therefore, are you marrying a person who not only nourishes you physically but also encourages you with God’s word? It is well said by Tim Kerr, "An unbeliever may love his wife and make her very happy. But when a believing man loves his wife it results in more than just her happiness; it results in her holiness. "

2) Am I Giving to My Children (who would be born) a Person Who Brings Them Up in the Ways of God?

When it comes to marriage, it is saddening to see many believers focusing on just immediate choice and happiness without considering how that would affect their future. Remember, you are not marrying only for your sake; it is not just between you and your spouse. The decision you make regarding your marriage not only has an effect on your life but also on your prospective children. The kind of person you are going to marry is as well a gift you are giving to your children. Consider this for a moment and think it over—what kind of a father/mother you are presenting to your children? Would your children be thankful to you for making a right choice in your marriage and blessing them with a godly father/mother?

I know children who regret for their mother’s marrying an ungodly person. I know fathers who are sorrowful for getting wives who have no interest in godly things, much less influencing their children positively. I know women who married unbelieving husbands and had children—their children’s father doesn’t pray with them, teach them God’s word and influence them with God’s moral values. All such fathers are concerned about is the worldly things, thereby having worldly impact on the children.

How wonderful it is for you to marry a person who obeys God’s way of bringing up children as prescribed by the Holy Bible – “Impress them (God’s commands) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deut. 6:7). What a blessing it would be for your family if the person you marry would become a spiritual partner with you to train your children in godliness! Do you want your children to have only one parent as a godly person and the other as ungodly, having them torn between two contrary worldviews of their father and mother? Do you want them to miss the grand privilege of being completely brought up in a godly family? Are you willing to bless them with a wonderful, godly gift of parenting?

3) Am I Giving to God a Person Passionate to Expand His Kingdom, Bringing Glory to His Name?

The Holy Bible clearly teaches that we are created by Christ and for Him (Col. 1:16). We are taught that Jesus, “died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Cor. 5:15). We are exhorted, “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). Well, when we are created for Him, called to live for Him who loved us and laid His life for us, commanded to do all things for the glory of our Maker, what kind of a person do you suppose you should marry? Shouldn’t he/she be the one who loves the Lord, lives for His glory and passionate to expand His Kingdom on earth?

Now I don't mean you have to marry a missionary or a pastor or a full-time Christian worker, but any believer, of whatever profession, who loves God and desires to see His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

If you are passionate to live a godly life, desiring God to be its centre, it isn’t enough to ask “Am I marrying a good person?” but “Am I marrying a godly, Christ-centered person?” Of course, he/she may be a weak person, since none is perfect, but is that person honest enough to acknowledge his/her weaknesses and passionate enough to become more like Christ Jesus? If you are grateful to Christ for what He had done on the Cross for you, shouldn’t you marry a person who would live for His glory and spread the good news of Jesus Christ? Will not God be delighted to see you both serving Him in order to bring people into His Kingdom and to strengthen those that are His flock?

Consider carefully how your decision to marry the person you want to will make both of you serve God more effectively and fruitfully. What a blessing it is to marry a person who wants to be a blessing to others! What a pleasure to marry a person whose goal is to please God! What a fragrant offering it would be from you to God in marrying a Christ-centred person in order to serve Him as a complete family from generation to generations! What an overwhelming joy when you both serve and help people just like Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18:26; Rom. 16:3; 1 Cor. 16:19)! Believe me, there is holy exultation in touching the lives of the people around us for Christ as a family.

Ask these three questions before you decide to marry and save yourself from asking painful questions afterwards. And make sure you yourself prayerfully cultivate the characteristics you expect in your future spouse. Remember, you have only one life on this earth to make a difference. Don’t ruin your bright future for the sake of immediate pleasure. Do not be hasty in making a decision for a life-long partner. Give yourself, your children and God a grand, unregretful gift!

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