Number One Reason for Divorce

One day the Pharisees came to Christ to play a trick on him. They asked him whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. The Lord Jesus pointed them back to the source of creation and marriage.

He first told that the Creator of both man and woman is God. It is God who created them and made them male and female. And then He explained it is God who made them one flesh and so what God had joined together, let not man separate.

Therefore, the Creator of both man and woman, and also the founder of marriage, is God. What the Lord was saying to them is that let not man make his own rules but follow the order of God. In short, the message to them was—stay together as God has joined you; don’t entertain divorce.

After hearing the response from the Lord, the Pharisees, thinking they caught Him in His words, asked about why Moses permitted to give a certificate of divorce. The Lord gave an apt answer, “BECAUSE OF YOUR HARDNESS OF HEART.” (Matthew 19:1-8)

Hardness of Heart

In spite of so many books on marriage and counselling, even in the churches, many marriages are ending up in divorce, particularly in the West.

Why?

The number one reason for divorce is the hardness of heart.

When the heart is hardened in marriage, insisting to have one’s own way of thinking and behavior, divorce is the end result. Whether this hardness of heart is cultivated in both husband and wife or just in one spouse, the fact is—marriage becomes a difficult journey with a hardened heart.

Hardness of heart breaks the peace in marriage into pieces.

A heart which is hardened is reluctant to either love his wife or submit to her husband. A hardened heart is a rebellious attitude against God’s word. And there are many married believers who express loving God, but their hearts are actually hardened against God’s word.

Of course, as frail human beings, we falter and fail in keeping the word of God. Marriage is a joining of two imperfect man and woman, covenanting together to journey towards maturity. And there are times, may be many times, we fail to love our wives and submit to our husbands.

However, a hardened heart, at such times, would not be willing to admit its faults and make every effort to change to become a better spouse. A hardened heart is bright in finding the flaws in the spouse but blinded to one’s own sins. Also, a hardened heart would not be willing to forgive the offence and keep rewinding the mistakes of the spouse. A hardened heart is not even willing to understand the spouse and just stubbornly clings to its own position.

Humility in Heart

In my experience of counseling married people, I find it quite difficult to handle a couple or a spouse whose hearts are hardened. But it is very easy to resolve issues when hearts are humble.

Here is what I assert—if hardness of heart is a number one reason for divorce, then humility in heart is the reason for healthy marriage.     

A humble heart is broken over its sins for failing to live as a better spouse. A humble heart is willing to accept correction and admit its flaws. A humble heart strives to obey the commandment of God to love his wife and to submit to her husband. A humble heart is glad to forgive offenses of the spouse and stretches out a helping hand. A humble heart seeks to understand the spouse and patiently work towards cultivating a better marriage for the glory of God.

My dear readers, let me ask these sincere questions:

• Are we cultivating a hardened heart or a humble heart in marriage?
• Do we humble ourself to obey God’s word and faithfully endeavor to fulfill the biblical responsibilities of a spouse?
• Are we just finding faults with our spouse and blaming the other person without examining our own heart and confessing our flaws?
• Are we quick to forgive and be patient with our spouse?
• Are we, out of a God-fearing heart, striving by His grace to become a better spouse in whom God takes great delight?

Finally, let me close saying that a hardened heart is a threat to healthy marriage. Sooner or later, it destroys what God has joined together. I urge to seek to cultivate a humble heart and let God take delight in us for being a godly spouse He wants us to be.

God bless your marriage!

_________________________________________

Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) messageforourage@gmail.com

Divorce: Diminishing the Uniqueness of Christianity

Last Friday, on March 30th, 2012, we conducted a gospel meeting in our training center. It was a joy to witness the presence of unbelievers who came to listen to the message apprehensively. The one who ministered to the participants, brother Vimal, came from Gujarat, which is one of the challenging states in India for gospel work. For the entire time, he shared his wonderful testimony—how he came to Christ from a strong Hindu background and how his life and family were radically transformed by the power of the gospel of Christ. 

What struck me in his testimony was his marriage life which went through severe crisis and crumbled. He and his wife came to such a point of bitter experience towards each other that they eventually got divorced. Then came a time in his life, when he was in utter despair, he heard the gospel of Christ Jesus from a pastor, who was a former Muslim, and was convicted of its truth. He put his trust in Christ and witnessed amazing change in his heart.

What happened later is quite interesting. He went in search for his divorced wife and when he found her, he shared with her the dramatic change that took place in his life and humbly asked for reconciliation. She was surprised to see the evidential change and agreed to recommit herself to him. Since they both were already divorced, they got remarried and now they serve the Lord Jesus Christ as a blessed family. Their family is now a tremendous blessing to many people.


Losing Christian Saltiness
After I listened to his testimony, I wondered how the gospel of Christ Jesus not only saved this brother’s family from eternal destruction, but also rebuilt his family and made them one in God. I wanted to rush to the unbelievers and testify about what the gospel of Christ can do in the life of a person, bringing transformation in every aspect of life. But then I paused and thought—what if they point out to so many Christian families who are divorced. There are more people today who are getting divorced as Christians and testimonies like getting reunited in Christ are seldom heard.

I think if the brother who shared his testimony comes to know how numerous Christians are getting divorced every year, particularly in the West, he would be shocked. He may question, “I thought, by believing in Christ, the broken marital relationships can be healed but how can you people leave your marriage partners even after claiming to believe in Christ?”

How Christianity is losing its uniqueness and saltiness in the area of marriage! Rather than the world looking at Christians and getting attracted to the gospel by seeing Christian marriages built in love and unity, they are now questioning the validity of the gospel in changing lives by pointing to divorced Christians. The authors, James Kennedy and Jerry Newcombe said it right:

Every time a family in the church gets a divorce, the testimony of the church is weakened. How are we going to say to the world, "God has the answer to the problems of marriage and divorce" if divorce is common in our ranks? People then say, "Oh really! Well, the statistics show that you're right behind the world when it comes to divorce. (Lord of All: Developing a Christian World-and-Life View, pg. 254)

God Hates Divorce
God made it quite clear in His word, “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16). He hates divorce because marriage is His design, not man's invention, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Matt. 19:6). Jesus said, “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32).

It is not surprising if the world is breaking God’s laws, but it is aching to see so many Christians openly rebelling against God’s word, getting divorced without biblical grounds and going for remarriage when it is in fact adultery. It seems they are looking more to the world for their inspiration than into the Word. They are not seeing how sinful this is in the sight of the loving Christ who loved us and laid His life for us on the cross. They are not understanding how displeasing it is to the holy God, and if there is no true brokenness of heart and repentance, they have to give an account to Him when they face the judgment seat of Christ.

There may be many shallow causes, but I believe, the primary reason for divorce in Christian families is this—there is no reverential fear of God and appropriate biblical role, either by any one or both partners. Of course, we may go to church, sing songs, read the Bible, offer short prayers and even participate in church activities, but is there practice of God’s word in personal and family life? O, if we deny our selfishness and take up our cross and follow the Lord Jesus Christ, there would be more peace and joy in our Christian families than ever before!


Fight for Your Marriage
Since the world is failing to have perseverance and peace in family life, it is time for Christians to submit themselves to the authority of God’s word and represent to the world an exemplary family life. Did not Christ say, “You are the light of the world”? (Matt. 5:14) Sadly, when it comes to family life, many of us are more like the world rather than being the light to the world.

Don't you think it is time for us to repent of our sin of worldliness, live different and make a difference around us?

My wife and I have been married for more than thirteen years. I can say we are together only because of the gracious work of Christ Jesus in our lives. And I often remind my wife not to let our family life bring dishonor to God and to the gospel in any way. We have a lot of weaknesses and we have to fight together, by the grace of God, against all the temptations trying to ruin our relationship.

Remember, divorce diminishes the uniqueness of Christianity in this corrupted world. It is a stumbling block to the gospel of Christ Jesus. It brings grief to the Holy Spirit. It is dishonoring God’s word. It brings disgrace to the name of God, by whose name we are called. Moreover, it shatters the lives of marriage partners, even those of children. It brings hurt to the dear ones and well-wishers of the family. It does not bring about the righteous and loving life that God desires.

Therefore, for Christ’s sake, for God’s glory and honor, I plead with Christians to fight for our marriages to stay together. Let us seek God’s face, get godly counsel from mature ones, examine our own follies, talk to each other without accusing, but let us make every effort not to follow the footsteps of the world in giving up our partner to whom we have vowed before God, “I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Our Father in heaven, forgive us of our sin and selfishness. If we truly think about your glory and the welfare of our partner, our families would have been quite different today from the world. O Lord, we have become much like the world, focusing on self-love and self-desires. We are following the worldly standards and turned our back against your Word. We pray that you have mercy on us, bring revival in our Christian families and bless our homes with your abundant joy and peace. May our families live in such a way that the world would praise your name as you reveal Yourself holy to them through our exemplary lifestyle. We pray in Jesus Name. Amen.

_______________________________

Enquiries:

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) stephen@tents-india.org