"IT'S MY LIFE"

 

When I was a teenager, I enamored a pop song which was much celebrated at the time. It goes with the title "IT'S MY LIFE." That precisely defines the pulse of our depraved humanity. 

But after I became a disciple of Christ, I understood it's a lie to believe "IT'S MY LIFE." I realized, "IT'S NOT MY LIFE." 

1 Corinthians reveals who does my life belongs to. 

First, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 exhorts to flee from sexual immorality. And the reason it gives is that my life belongs to God who bought me with the blood of Christ Jesus. It says, "YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN. for you were bought with a price." It's God's life. 

Second, 1 Corinthians 8:13 speaks about giving up eating certain food that causes a Christian brother in the church stumble. My Christian brother's welfare is more important than my personal pleasure. This shows my life belongs to the community of God. I am not my own. 

Third, 1 Corinthians 7:4 teaches that a Christian married couple must satisfy each other's sexual needs, "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." This points out that I must give preference to my wife's needs over mine. I am not my own. I belong to her. 

You see, all the above Scriptures reveal that our life is not our own. God owns our life, and we belong to His community and our spouse. "IT'S MY LIFE" is a phrase that must never be uttered and lived by a Christian. 

Hearing this truth, one might wonder, "Then what about my joy and happiness?"

Remember, the most joyless people in the world are selfish people. True joy is not in living a selfish and individualistic life but in living for God and those He placed in our lives. Blessed is the one who lives accordingly. 

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Enquiries: 

messageforourage@gmail.com

Significance of Having Family Meals Together - Part 1

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In our busy and fast paced culture, finding time for family togetherness, particularly for children, has become a great challenge. One of the best ways I have discovered in spending time with our children is at the dining table. Research shows that the presence of parents is very beneficial at four key times of the day—early morning, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime.[1]  

As the day begins with the members of the family scattering to various activities of the day—children to study and parents to work—the supper time provides the best opportunity for the family to gather together for meaningful fellowship. It is a sad witness that families having meals together is not the norm of our day.  Even if they have meals together occasionally, that would be in front of the television. Our generation seems to be valuing only eating, not fellowship.

Benefits of Eating Together

The advantages of spending meal times together as a family cannot be overemphasized. In November 2004, CBS News cited a study showing that children who ate regular meals with their parents were less likely to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs, get depressed, or commit suicide.[2] The access to parents that the family meal gives children has been shown to reduce stress and to improve the emotional and therefore the physical well-being of children.[3]  

In another study of eighty-six families, half of whom included asthmatic children, researchers found that families who used family routines, specifically mealtimes together, had lower levels of anxiety, which correlated with fewer school absences, fewer hospitalizations, and fewer medicinal interventions.[4]  

Do you realize how important it is for your family to have meals together? This does two things: a) It brings all the family members together and b) It paves way for fellowship and sharing, strengthening the family bond.

We need to know that the purpose of eating together is not just eating; it is talking to each other, particularly about things that matters for eternity. [I have learned that no matter what we talk, if we don't teach our children to revere God and to live according to His will revealed in the Holy Bible, all our talking and spending time with them is in vain for the eternal welfare of their soul.] 

When we study the Holy Scripture, we observe that dining table was a place where Christ Jesus had had his wonderful ministry. What did Christ do when He had mealtimes with Lazarus, Mary and Martha (Jn. 12:2ff), Simon the Pharisee (Lu. 7:36ff), a Pharisee (Lu. 11:37ff), a prominent Pharisee (Lu. 14:1ff), Zacchaues (Lu. 19:2ff) and with the twelve on Passover night (Lu. 22:14ff)?  He had meaningful conversations, imparting to them the wisdom from above, teaching great truths about the kingdom of God and sharing His life with them. I have found dining table to be a great pulpit to be used in impacting lives for the glory of God.

Eat Together and Stay Knit Together

Speaking about my upbringing, it was not the discipline of our family to eat meals together. And even if we had at times, my father made it a strict rule not to speak while eating. He considered it as an improper manner and harbored a myth that it hinders the digestion of food. As you can well guess, I carried this pattern of not eating meals together in my family too. When I was hungry, I was known for eating without waiting for anyone. I also coined this phrase, “When it comes to eating, time and Stephen wait for none.” For years I didn't realize the importance of having family meals.

However, though late, I have learned how important it is to eat with my wife and children, having a time of sharing with them. While there are exceptions, I have resolved not to miss family fellowship meal, for I have realized that just as the family that prays together stays together, so is the family that eats together knits together. I found it to be a great joy to listen, talk and teach my children during our family meals. I am sure my children would carry this sacred habit when they grow up and have their own family. [Click here to go to Part 2 of this article...] |  1 of 2

Significance of Having Family Meals Together - Part 2

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Other Options for Busy Families

I understand that having family meals together may be found quite difficult by some. They may have such working shifts which may not allow them to be with their families during supper. To some, the boss may require more time from them and often leave them late to home. The usual traffic jams at the evening is another hindrance not to reach home on time. In such situations, the following are some suggestions which may be helpful:

1. In your absence during supper time, your spouse can still spend time with the children and carry on the healthy habit of eating together. Two are better than one but when two are not available together, one is better than none.
2. If having supper together is not possible during the week, how about having it at least in the weekend, including holidays?
3. Something is better than nothing, right? Although it is a hurry time, having a planned breakfast together as a family is a good idea. “Relaxation, communication and a measure of beauty and pleasure should be part of even the shortest of meal breaks,” said Edith Scaeffer.[5] 

Tips for Meaningful Family Meals

I have mentioned how mealtime is a good opportunity to teach and train children in the knowledge of God’s word. Also, they learn appropriate behavior, disclose their minds and improve communication skills. How pleasant it would be in your family when you have discussions and sharing during meals together with your children!

But how can we have fruitful mealtime conversation?  Here are some tips, offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes, to help your children learn how to participate in conversation with both family and guests. 

1. Listen. When you are at the table, be fully there. You can’t contribute to a conversation you haven’t been listening to.
2. Learn to ask questions. Don’t wait for someone to direct the conversation toward you.
3. Don’t talk while chewing.
4. Has a family member had a bad day? Give a word of encouragement.
5. Don’t “hold court” or hog the conversation. (i.e. don’t dominate the conversation, thereby not letting other members to talk)
6. Draw out the quiet person.
7. If conversation is lagging, bring up a new topic.
8. Don’t interrupt.
9. Thank the cook![6]

Recipe for Better Mealtimes

I ought to tell you that having family meals together requires discipline. Without proper planning and commitment this is not going to work. Moreover, to avoid supper time to become either a boring or tedious thing, it is helpful to have proper boundaries, so that having meals together would be an interesting family activity to which all members would look forward to participate every day. The following is a recipe for better mealtimes:

1. Plan ahead. While some take the responsibility in cooking the food, others should assist in setting up the dinner table and cleaning thereafter.
2. Insist on prompt attendants when called. It is good to have a fixed time for supper. Let everyone arrange their schedule in a way that they would be present during the dinner time. Don’t allow a come-when-you-feel-like-it habit.
3. Turn off the TV.  This is a great distraction and stealer of family togetherness.
4. Turn off the radio/CD player. The point is to listen to each other, not to songs or to music. An instrumental music, with low volume, is not a bad idea though.   
5. Start with a table prayer, genuinely expressed. Call on a different family member to lead each time. But keep it short.
6. Keep the atmosphere positive by encouraging pleasant talk. Don’t allow “attacks” on the food quality or one another. Do not entertain negative, sarcastic and complaining talk.
7. Don’t fight over quantities, especially with preschoolers, who often go on feast-or-famine jags.  Hunger will prevail over time. However, if for social reasons you want to require that children “try some of everything on the table,” fine.
8. Involve everyone in conversation. Begin your conversation about the affairs of the day and see how all can be edified from the wisdom of God's word.[7]  
9. Switch off your mobile phone. If you expect an important call, put it on silent mode so that you can call back later after the mealtime.
10. Don’t encourage neighborhood children to join regularly during family meals. Children often get distracted in the presence of other children. So make best use of mealtime to foster your relationship with your children, listen to them, train and teach them. O, sure, make it a fun time too.

Therefore, if you don't have the habit of having family meals together, why can't you commit yourself to start practicing this good habit right away, both for the welfare of your spouse and of your children, not to mention of your own soul? [Click here to go to Part 1 of this article] | 2 of 2

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End Notes:
1.  Cited by Dr. James Dobson, Brining up Boys (Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2001), 91.
2.  Cited by Ray Comfort, How to Bring Your Children to Christ (Bartlesville: Genesis Publishing Group, 2005), 42
3.  Jenn Berman and Donna Corwin, The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2007), 134
4.  Ibid., 135
5.  Edith Schaeffer, Hidden Art (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 1971), 123
6.  Kent and Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Family (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2007), 130
7. These advices have been adapted from Dean Merrill, [ed] Mike Yorkey, The Christian Dad’s Answer Book (Colorado Springs, Co: Faith Parenting, 1997), 121, with few additions of mine.

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Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) stephen@tents-india.org

More Precious Than Jewels

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised" (Pr 31:30).

Everytime I connect my laptop to Internet, the home page of the company that offers Internet automatically pops up. I generally ignore viewing it, but recently, when I was about to close the home page, my eyes fell on the title, “Celebs without Make-up.”

Being curious to know how they would appear, I clicked the link and saw the pictures of the top admired Indian actresses who makes hearts flutter. To my surprise, I found a world of difference in how these celebrities looked with and without make-up. I realized, much of their beauty projected in movies and ads is superficial.

Granted that the beauty of these women is authentic, but does it not still fade away over the years? Are you aware of the beauty which is genuine and that which never fades off but shines even brighter?

Physical beauty comes and fades away, just like the flower which blossoms and withers. But the inner beauty of a woman, that godly character, is far more attractive and lasts forever, just like gold that does not fade or lose its lustre.

It is good to witness the advancement of women today. Unlike the past, the modern woman is more educated, more talented, got into more top positions, earns more money, has more freedom and proven more accomplished. However, women who are more beautiful in their inner character, manifesting that gentle and gracious spirit as mentioned in 1Peter 3:1-6, are rarely found.

It is to motivate such unfading beauty in women, Mrs. Clarice Joy David has written a book “More Precious Than Jewels: A Wise Woman In Building Her Home.” Based on biblical foundations, she wrote how a wise woman could cultivate beautiful character, which is more precious than jewels and more lasting than a beautiful flower, resulting in being a blessing to husband, children and others around.

Well, I love reading biographies and I read them in two ways: one by reading books and the other by watching live examples. I know Mrs. Clarice in person, whom I call ‘aunty’, and have the privilege of being close to her family. After years of observing her life, I think I can fairly make this statement—what she has written in the book is very much in consistent with how she lives.

In order to testify what God’s amazing grace can accomplish in a person, I would like to share for your encouragement few things about Mrs. Clarice.

A Woman of Hospitality: When I think of Mrs. Clarice, the very first thought that comes into my mind is her spirit of hospitality. How joyfully she invites people to her home, how varieties of dishes she prepares and how kindly she serves people!

And what a blessing she is to women, particularly to young girls! Many of them would testify of how often they have been invited to her house and how gladly she served them good food, cared for them and discipled them.

Now you need to know she is not that young and energetic to manifest such hospitality. She is 65 years old and still serves people with great enthusiasm. My family had been to her house many times and we can admit of being blessed by her love and hospitality, both in our body and spirit.

Do we find the young women of our day having that heart and patience to serve people?

A Woman of Encouragement: Another character I can think of Mrs. Clarice is her spirit of encouragement. She is not only an encouragement to those outside but also to her own family. Since her husband, Mr. Joy David, is a missionary, traveling to various places and ministering to people, she took time to teach and encourage her children to walk in the ways of God. Her labor in the grace of God has reaped life-changing results in her children. Today, they all love the Lord and have blessed families.

How many women do we observe these days who are deeply devoted to pray and bring up their children in the fear of God?

Let me point out that Mrs. Clarice is not a preacher or teacher. She is a simple house wife. But she is a great encouragement to her husband. What a delight to watch her encouraging her husband in prayer, in evangelism and in ministry to people! Her presence is such an encouragement to people that Mr. Joy David himself testifies that when they go together for ministry, people crowd her more than him.

O, how many husbands lack such encouraging wives and what great things they might have achieved had they had such encouragement from their wives!

I think, Mr. Joy David would not hesitate for a moment to confess—had it not been for her support and encouragement, which is God’s gracious providence to him, it would have been quite hard for his ministry to have had a wider influence on people.

A Woman who loves Jesus: I know Mrs. Clarice is what she is only because of Jesus who saved her. And because He loves her, she loves her Lord passionately. Because she has tasted the goodness of the Lord, she manifests that goodness to others. People are touched by her life because she is in constant touch with her heavenly Father.

Anyone who comes in contact with her will not take long to see her burning heart for God. Her passion for Jesus is quite noticeable.

She loves to talk with her Lord, even standing in the gap and interceding for people. She loves to hear her Lord through His unchanging Word. She loves worshiping her Savior. In this short life lived on earth, she loves to live a fruitful life for the glory of God. And because she has consecrated herself to the Lord, she has been a blessing to many people.

In my talk with Mr. Joy David, I candidly asked him, “Uncle, did you ever regret in your marital life about not getting a better wife, wishing in your heart for a better woman?” He replied that in their 38 years of life together, he never regretted for marrying Mrs. Clarice and never thought, “I wish I had a better wife.” 

What a blessed testimony! But this does not mean she is a perfect woman, expressed Mr. Joy David, and desired for her to constantly improve her godly qualities.

Finally, because of her rich experience in the Lord and godly example, I suppose, a woman would be richly benefited to read and apply the principles Mrs. Clarice shares in her book “More Precious Than Jewels.”

“More Precious Than Jewels” is published by Authentic Books and can be ordered online at a very low price: http://christianstore.in/product.php?productid=20868&cat=0&hm=BK

You may also write to the following e-mail address for a copy:

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) stephen@tents-india.org

A Leader and His Family

We leaders suppose our greatest responsibility is to minister to the church and world. We miss to understand that family is one great responsibility God has given to us, much greater responsibility than church and ministry. We are unfit for ministry if we neglect this primary responsibility that God has entrusted to us to disciple them in His ways....

The following message "A Leader and His Family" is delivered in two sessions, in a meeting "Leaders Fellowship Network", on June 15th, 2011. This video is just an excerpt. May the Lord accomplish His glorious purpose through the message!

ENQUIRIES:

Feel free to write your comments below (or) write to

E-mail: cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) stephen@tents-india.org

Answer to the Point (Guarding Peace at Home)

In conversing with your spouse or vice versa, does this question sound familiar, “Why don’t you answer to the point?”

I was planning to go to Operation Mobilization library to spend the entire day to study and write. It takes one-hour drive from my house or even more depending on the traffic. To me this journey is often hard, for it is a busy road and I cannot avoid pollution and traffic hassle. So as I was getting ready and informed my wife about my day’s schedule, she curiously asked me, “Are you coming back in the afternoon?” Boom! “What on earth are you asking,” I thought to myself. That questioned annoyed me beyond reason. Think—by the time I go there, after traveling hard, I will be just two hours ahead before afternoon. And this woman, I thought, is asking me whether I will be coming back in the afternoon, as if it is something behind the house.

After hearing her, I blurted out, “How can you ask me such a question? How do you think I will come back by afternoon?” What a reckless response that was! Although some questions sound silly, such fretful response can easily put me into conflict with my wife, wrecking my entire day. After that incident, the Spirit of God started to deal with my heart with these convicting thoughts – Is it necessary to answer recklessly, although the question may seem funny? Can’t I just say, “No, dear. I will be coming in the evening”? There might be something on her mind to ask that question, so I can go a little further and ask, “Is there anything important you have for me?” What great peace such a gracious response would save for the day!

I can relate many such ungracious responses that quickly wreck peace at home. And I think you may relate such too. How many times have we been irritated at home because of some questions we think are weird! Consider the following:

Question: Where is my phone?
Ungracious response: Can’t you see, it is on the TV?

Question: When is he coming?
Ungracious response: How many times should I tell you?

Question: Are we going out today?
Ungracious response: Why do you ask such a question? Are you not interested to come?

Question: What happened to…..?
Ungracious response: Are you not aware? Should I tell you something new again?

These are just a few examples. There will be volumes if we probe and open up. Have you been in a situation where you were on a smooth drive and suddenly, to your shock, some vehicle pops out from the other side, making you scared to death? Such responses, as mentioned above, are like that threatening vehicle when somebody asks a smooth question. Did you experience how an ungracious response provokes a person to anger, eventually leading to quarrel? Is it worth responding in such a way?

Can’t we be patient enough to respond kindly? What do we lose if we gently answer to questions which seems unreasonable and irritating to us? What is patience by the way—is it not putting up with the unpleasant situations? Will not a little patience in our response save us from insurmountable troubles? Did we seriously ponder over these words, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Pro. 15:1)?

To cultivate respectful communication and peaceful atmosphere in the house, I have learned this—gently answer to the point. Period. No extra questioning. No unnecessary answers. Why should I foolishly put myself into speaking so many words of offense and later, to rectify my folly, speak so many words of apology when I can politely answer few words to the point! It is always good and beneficial to respond kindly straight to the thing, even though the question may seem pointless. After all, are we not saving the energy (of our tongue) and peace (of our heart) in answering right to the point?

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Feel free to post your comments below or you may write to : friendsofchrist@gmail.com