How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?

Only For the Married

This article is about “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is about “wife.” As a Christian, I believe in the Word of God which teaches that premarital sex and extramarital sex are sin in the sight of the holy God (1 Cor. 6:18; Gal. 5:19). If there is no repentance for engaging into such sins, there are eternal consequences every person ought to face (Rev. 21:8). 

But, according to God’s Word, sex is sacredly satisfying with your wife. It is God’s wonderful gift which is to be enjoyed within the boundary of marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-5). And this message is only for married men who are desperate for a fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

Sex is Not Initially Exciting for Wives

Why the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited About Sex?” It is regarding “excitement about sex.” Men are basically excited about sex, all the time. When women are newly married, they too are indeed fascinated about sex. However, sooner or later, their sexual drive seemingly declines. You will understand why this happens as you read further.  

At this stage, many men suffer from sexual dissatisfaction in their married life. They feel rejected and disappointed whenever their sexual advances are turned down by their wives. As a result, some get addicted to watching porn and some fall into extramarital affairs in order to gratify their sexual passions. But there are those who do not want to commit such sins and are eager to know how to get back their wives excited about sex. 

Sex is Hard Work

Observe the question, “How to Get Your Wife Excited about Sex?” It is about “how to get.” All married men know—sex in marriage is exciting, but to reach that exciting stage is hard work. When wives have kids to take care, work outside, manage house chores and face conflicts either at home or outside—all these draining them emotionally—it is not easy for wives to get excited about sex. 

Let me tell you the fact many husbands are unaware. Wives are excited about sex. They love sex. They enjoy sex. But the difference between them and us is—we are excited about it naturally, even when we are physically tired and emotionally upset; but for wives it does not come naturally, particularly when they are physically tired and emotionally upset. It is here that men face the challenge to understand their wives' lack of cooperation to have sex with them. 

Exciting Wives for Sex

Some husbands may be thinking I am going to speak about how to practice foreplay or orally stimulate wives to excite them for sex. Although this is important and necessary, I am not speaking here about the physical stimulation of wives for sex. I am speaking about something more important. 

Let me begin with how wives are NOT excited about sex. When husbands often lose their temper, when they treat their wives harshly, when they are insensitive to their reasonable needs, when they do not cooperate with them in house chores, when they do not shoulder family responsibilities, when they do not care for them emotionally, when they do not love them passionately—wives are not excited about sex. 

Here is the truth every husband must consider: You cannot inflict emotional pain to your wife and expect sexual pleasure from her. 

Sex Begins in the Kitchen

Christian psychologist, Kevin Leman, wrote an interesting book “Sex Begins in the Kitchen.” What he strongly presents is, “Sex is the culmination of honoring and loving interactions shared throughout the day.” How true! 

When husbands lovingly converse with their wives, assist them in kitchen, behave responsibly in family issues, spend quality time with them, be sensitive to their feelings, appreciate their good works, care for them in their sickness or discouragement, honor them before others, be patient with them when they fail, gently correct them at the right time and love them passionately—they make their wives excited when it comes to sex. 

Some of us husbands know this secret and we try to be nice with our wives only before sex. But our wives are not so dumb to believe our manipulative approaches towards them. When we wash dishes on a particular night, our wives immediately know why we do this occasional act. 

What makes our wives excited for sex is not at times the love and care we show towards them just when we want to have sex with them. It is the love and care we genuinely express towards them all the time which makes our wives excited for sex.

Here is another truth for husbands to ponder over: Wives delightfully yield themselves to have sex with their husbands when their husbands don’t treat them as just sexual objects or toys, but as queens worthy of love and care. When husbands put love before sex, they find fulfilling sex life with their wife. 

This does not mean husbands must be continually a “wife-pleaser”. I understand there are unhealthy demands and expectations of wives that husbands cannot meet. At such times, a husband can gently explain to her, pray for her perspective to change and even seek counseling from mature people. And he must do these things, not for the sake of sex, but out of love for her. 

But as far as possible, when a husband meets his wife’s reasonable expectations and needs, he proves himself to be a loving man, and his wife, in most cases, would love to enjoy sex with him.

Emotional Care Excites Sexual Feelings

This is quite important for husbands to know: It is not physical stimulation that primarily excites our wives for sex, but emotional care. When I asked my wife what her thoughts are about this statement, she replied, “ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.”

I have been married to my beautiful wife for eighteen years and I candidly claim: whenever my wife felt emotionally cared by me, she was excited for sex. Whenever she felt neglected by me, she despised sex. 

A friend of mine, who is a husband and father, sincerely shared with me about how he and his wife have sex a couple of times in a week. And I know how this man ardently loves and cares for his wife. No wonder, his wife is excited to have sex with him. 

I have learned this significant lesson: A wife rewards her husband with sex when she emotionally feels loved by him. And sex becomes satisfying and fulfilling in marriage when wives engage in sex with a sense of being loved and cared by their husbands. But when husbands forcefully engage their wives in sex without caring for them emotionally, they make their sexual life more dissatisfied in marriage. 

This may sound shocking to many husbands, but this is nevertheless true—in many marriages, husbands are primarily responsible to kill the excitement for sex in their wives by their negligence to love and care for them.  

Therefore, husbands, are we willing to change our attitude, talk, tone and conduct towards our wives? Are we ready to behave responsibly in family life? Are we committed to love our wives as Christ loved the church and laid his life for her? (Eph. 5:25) Are you willing to become a real “man” and a sacrificial “hero” with whom your wife is excited to have sex?

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Note: There are few men to whom sex is not that exciting and their wives are frustrated with their sexual impotency. If you are such a man, please read this article: "Why Sex is So Important to Your Wife?"

Related Post: Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together?

_________________________________________

Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com 

(or)

messageforourage@gmail.com

Jesus Speaks on Live-in Relationship

Once I was speaking to a young woman who was excited about the prospect of getting married. After some interaction with her, getting to know something about her boyfriend, I finally asked her, “Where does he stay?” She said, “We live together.” I didn’t properly understand. When I asked her again, I realized that they are living together in the same house.

The things that were quite uncommon in the past are becoming most common today. Live-in relationship is one such, which is becoming an acceptable lifestyle, particularly in the urban societies. The Hollywood movies, even the rising Bollywood, are enough to testify regarding the commonness of live-relationship in our time.

There is an ongoing debate between the proponents of live-in relationship and traditional marriage.  Amidst the confusing and conflicting voices on this issue, what does the Lord Jesus Christ has to say about it?

Jesus and Samaritan Woman

One day, Jesus was passing through Samaria. He approached a Samaritan village called Sychar. After walking miles and miles, he was worn out. Feeling tired, he sat down at the well.

At the same time, a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well. It seems, she had a marred reputation among her people. However, Jesus loved the company of sinners for godly impact. In His conversation with her, He mentioned about the living water. He said,

“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14).

The Samaritan woman was intrigued to hear about the living water that Jesus offered to her. The living water that the Lord mentioned is the eternal life. Still thinking of it only as a physical benefit, not wanting to lose this opportunity, she immediately asked Jesus to give her the living water.

Then Jesus wanted her to do something. He said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here”. She said, “I have no husband.” And Jesus spoke something about her secret life, which stunned her. He said, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” (John 4:16-18)

Observe the last part of the sentence, “the one you now have is not your husband.” In what relationship was this Samaritan woman? At that time, it was called an immoral        relationship. Today, in our morally diluted culture, it is called, “Live-in relationship.”

Live-in Relationship

Live-in relationship is a relationship in which a man and a woman live together and have active sexual life without formal marriage. Some even have children out of this relationship.

Some get into live-relationship so that they may avoid the mess of legal divorce. Some want to test each other whether they can get formally married by living together for a while. If the relationship does not work, they break up. All the sex they had was only a part of test.

And some hate the idea of formal marriage, which has various family responsibilities. So they just desire to live together as long as they can. They like having fun in life without responsibilities.

Whatever the reasons, the Lord Jesus has serious concerns about live-in relationship. He deliberately asked the Samaritan woman to get her husband, because He knew she was living with a man who is not her husband and that it is sin.

By revealing her secret life, what we call live-in relationship, the Lord Jesus wanted her to know, without condemning her, “If you want the living water, the eternal life, you need to be up-front about your live-in relationship.”

Because it was an obstacle for her to receive the eternal life, the Lord Jesus gently brought up before her the sin of live-in relationship.

How many are far from eternal life because of their indulgence in live-in relationship! They are blinded of the fact that their present pleasurable relationship will soon end up in inescapable pain.

Sex Apart from Marriage is Sin

According to the Holy Scripture, living together and sharing sexual life apart from marriage is sin against God. Sex is God’s gift to mankind, which is to be enjoyed only in the boundary of marriage.

Marriage is a God-ordained relationship, which comes into existence in a couple by making a covenant between each other. This covenant is made to live together permanently by loving one another and by being faithful to each other.

But many modern couples are afraid of such permanent covenant. They deliberately ignore the standards of God and get into live-in relationship. And some try to convince themselves saying, “We may anyhow get married. So, what’s the problem in having sex before marriage?”

But God does have problem. Since He created man and woman as moral beings, as sex is a gift from Him to mankind, He has every right to say how to use it and how not to abuse it.

The Lord has clearly stated in His word that sex between man and man, between woman and woman, between unmarried man and unmarried woman, between married person and another person who is not one's own marriage partner—all these are sin against Him. (Rom. 1:26-27; Heb. 13:4)

Listen to what the Scripture says, “Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). In other words, “Because of the temptation to have sex apart from marriage, which is sin and immoral, each man and each woman should get married and have sex with their own spouse.”

Also, in Hebrews 13:4, it is written, “Let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Observe, it does not say, “Let the sexual bed be undefiled.” It says, “Let the marriage bed be undefiled.”

Marriage bed is a figurative language, which means, sexual intercourse within marriage. Having sexual intercourse either apart from marriage or outside of marriage defiles the marital relationship. Sexual intercourse is meant to be enjoyed only between husband and wife within marriage.

Those who abuse sexual intercourse are called sexually immoral and adulterous. Sexually immoral is a person who has sex with someone who is not a lawful spouse. And adulterous is a married person who has sex with someone who is not his or her marriage partner.

Sadly, the Holy Scripture asserts that God will judge them. Although many have no fear of God, much less are cautioned by God's judgment, the time will when they have to give an account to the Living God of all their immoral activities.

Final Words

Dear readers, if you are in a live-in relationship, may I let you know that it is sin which leads to eternal death. It even destroys your current relationship and your bright future. But Jesus had paid the price for your sin by laying His life on the cross. If only you repent of your sin, God is gracious to forgive your sin and gives you a new beginning.

Regarding your live-in relationship, you either flee from it or immediately get married to your partner. Do not choose to run your life by your own standards only to destroy the wonderful life God has given you.

Like the Samaritan woman, face the fact of your immoral or live-in relationship and find forgiveness and new beginning in Christ Jesus.

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Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) messageforourage@gmail.com

Alarming Cautions on Sexual Immorality

Yesterday, as I was having my personal devotional study time on the book of Revelation, particularly pondering over the words spoken to the church in Thyatira, I observed alarming cautions on sexual immorality, thereby observing my own heart in light of the Holy Spirit.

The church in Thyatira is one of the seven churches in Asia to whom John discloses the revelation of Jesus Christ. Unlike the church in Ephesus that lost its first love, this church excelled in love and faith. In fact, their latter works exceeded the first (Rev. 2:19).

However, there was something terrible that was happening in the church. The Lord says, “But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols” (Rev. 2:20). 

Sexual Immorality in Church

In the church of Thyatira, there were people who were lured into sexual immorality by an immoral woman. Now these people were not unbelievers. The Lord says “…seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality…” These were God’s children, servants of God, believers and followers of Christ Jesus. Such things shouldn’t be existent in the church of the Living God, but sadly, they are there.

We may assume that church is a community where people walk in the light, growing in love and holiness and reflecting Christ to the world. But this is not always so. Not all people in the church are devoted to grow in the sanctification of the Holy Spirit.

There are people in the church whose secret lives are not much different from the world. What we find in the world may also be found in the church. What is publicly entertained in the world may secretly be practiced in the church.

Just like the church in Thyatira, how many believers in the church today are seduced into sexual immorality! It is stunning to see people in the church having premarital sex and adulterous relationships. It is awful to notice so many people in the church, both young and adults, given to secret watching of pornography. It is grievous to know people in the church having secret emotional adulterous affairs and immersing in immoral sexual fantasies.

Don’t we realize that people in our churches are losing the fear of God? The fear of God is lost when people immerse themselves into the pleasures of sin.   

Goodness of God

Despite the moral weaknesses and sexual immorality that were there in the church of Thyatira, God was immensely gracious and kind towards them. The Lord says, “I gave her time to repent” (Rev. 2:21). The Lord gave the immoral woman the opportunity to repent. Not only to her, I believe, the opportunity to repent was also given to those who were seduced by her into sexual immorality.

Considering the holiness and the righteous indignation of God, the Lord should wipe off the people who commit sexual immorality. Nevertheless, the Scripture says, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Ps. 103:8).

How many people would be wiped off in the church if the Lord would have to pour out His wrath on those who live in sexual immorality! Just as the Lord gave time for people in the church in Thyatira to repent, the Lord is giving our people time too to repent of sexual immorality. He is restraining His wrath and pouring out His mercy upon us.

O, if we are living in sexual immorality—be it premarital sex, adulterous affair, watching pornography or drowning in immoral sexual fantasies—when the Lord is patient with us, let us repent of our sin and turn to Him for forgiveness and transformation.   

Discipline of God

The goodness and kindness of God is shown with a purpose. God's patience is manifested not to entertain sin but to turn from sin with repentance. It is written, “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance” (Rom. 2:4b).

There are people who boast about the mercy of God in their lives and yet continue to indulge in immorality. If we refuse the mercy of God by rejecting the time given to us to repent of sexual immorality, the Lord is not always kind to us; we may have to face His severe discipline.

When the Lord had given time to the immoral woman in the church in Thyatira to repent, she refused to repent (Rev. 2:21). As a result, the Lord had to punish and discipline her. There are three alarming cautions the Lord gives to her. These cautions should awaken the fear of God in our hearts to repent of our sexual immoral acts and to walk solemnly in sexual purity.

First, “Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed” (Rev. 2:22). When people don’t repent of their sexual immoral acts and continue to live in sin, the Lord may have to strike them with sickness. The pleasures of sin they have enjoyed turns into physical agony. Who enjoys to commit sin when the body is stricken with sickness and pain!

Second, “those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works” (Rev. 2:22). There are great troubles in store for those who have given themselves to the pleasures of sin. Life will be a curse when we live in deliberate disobedience to God’s word. Let us not allow sin to blind our eyes of future destruction by making us to just focus on immediate pleasures.

Third, “I will strike her children dead” (Rev. 2:23). These children may not necessarily be the physical children of the immoral woman in the church in Thyatira. These could be those who have completely accepted her teaching and immoral lifestyle and yet live in the church (I don’t suppose these are genuine children of God, for although believers may sin, they don't devote themselves to sinful lifestyle). The Lord says that He will utterly slay them. What a terrible judgment! What profit it is to engage in sexual immorality and eventually be slain by the Lord!

We don’t know how many are physically sick in our churches because of their stubbornness to repent of their sexual immoral acts. We are not aware how many are in great troubles in their life because of their secret living in sexual immorality. And we don’t know how many are slain by the Lord because of their immoral lifestyle which they didn’t repent in the time that the Lord had given to them. Surprisingly, these judgments are coming upon those in the church who may be living a secret immoral lifestyle. 

Final Words

My dear brothers and sisters, sex is God’s great gift to us. I thank God for it many times. However, God has ordained sex to be enjoyed only within the context of marriage. If we try to enjoy it beyond this context, we invoke curse upon our lives. 

Are you engaged in premarital sex? Are you given to any adulterous relationship, breaking your faithful covenant with your spouse? Are you secretly watching pornography and indulging in lustful fantasies?

Let us consider the great mercy of God who is giving time to us to repent of our sexual immoral acts. If we don’t consider the mercy of God, at least fear of the consequences of sexual immorality. Before we face such physical sickness and agony, before we face such great troubles, before we are stricken to death by the Lord, is it not good for us to repent of our sin and turn to the Lord for His mercy and forgiveness?

We may say, “I know there are people who are living a sexual immoral life but they are fine.” They are fine because the Lord is patient and still giving them time to repent. But if they continue to refuse to repent, troubles comes upon them suddenly and throw them into great miseries. Here is a caution from Proverb 29:1, “A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed-- without remedy.”

O, sexual immorality leads to great adversities! It is filled with pleasures before with full of miseries behind it. It is a curse in disguise. So let’s repent, for the Lord Jesus laid His life on the cross to atone for our every sin. It is written, “If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Let's also commit ourselves to walk in sexual purity. It is written, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Pro. 28:13).

Before I close, let me share with you that there are great pleasures, pleasures evermore in the hands of God (Pro. 16:11). It is given to those who fear God and walk in His ways. These pleasures are infinitely better and lasting than the flickering momentary pleasures of sin. Let us embrace His godly pleasures and renounce sinful pleasures. Let us repent and walk in the ways God has laid before us, for His glory and for our welfare.

_________________________________________

Enquiries: 

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) messageforourage@gmail.com

What’s Wrong in Watching Pornography Without Hurting Others? - [Part 2]

Click here to read Part 1 

3. What You Watch and Imagine Speaks About Your Prospective Behavior

In Part 1, we have learned that what we watch and imagine speaks about who we are and about our commitment. In Part 2, I want to share with you that what you watch and imagine speaks about your prospective behavior.

Let us not be casual about what we watch in secret and fantasize in mind. What we watch, think and entertain in our mind is liable to what we can do.

For instance, think about a man who is given to watching child pornography. Can you leave your children alone with that person, although he may claim to simply watch for entertainment without any intention to harm anyone?

You may never do this.

Why?

Because when a person is given to watch and entertain lustful images in private, he is most likely to practice it when he gets an opportunity. Once evil things are rooted in mind, we know that it is unsafe and doesn’t take too long to manifest in action.

We know that he who is good in his mind would be good in his behavior. He who is evil in his mind, although he may appear good in his behavior, he is still untrustworthy. If an opportunity pops up, what is sown in mind would be cultivated in action.

O, the safest person to be with is the one who is in public what he is in private!

Now there are many sexually immoral people who are not serial killers or outright rapists. They seem very decent in the society. They do not manifest their lustful attitude because of public fear and disreputation.

However, when they get an opportunity in private atmosphere, they subtly manifest their deviant behavior to lure someone to gratify their passion. Or they would at least easily yield when they are tempted by someone.

Why?

Because they cannot control themselves from doing what they have watched and entertained in secret. Mind is the remote controller of behavior.

If anyone is addicted to watching porn and did not yet fall into physical fornication or adultery, the reason is not that he is a person of self-control; he in fact did not yet get the right opportunity to yield to physical temptation. An opportunity is enough for him to manifest his immoral attitude.

Here is the fact—some are blatantly deviant, like serial killers and rapists; and some are subtly deviant, like opportunists who look good but manifest their beastly conduct at the right time. Whatever the person, what is sown in mind may someday come out in action.

How many folks began watching pornography for the sake of just personal entertainment and gratification; however, it later became such an addiction that they now struggle to control their behavior which has been greatly impacted with deeply ingrained sinful thoughts and imaginations.

Dear reader, don't deceive yourselves by supposing you are watching porn just for personal entertainment without any intention to practice in action. Remember, if we let our sight and thoughts to flirt, we have to struggle to keep our feet from getting into dirt.

This is what I say—what you watch is what you catch; what you catch is what you hatch. So, guard what you watch and what you think, so that you would guard your conduct. How true are these words:

Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit;
Sow a habit, reap a character;
Sow a character, reap a destiny.

Final Words

Above all, there is one primary reason for why I believe watching porn secretly, even without an intention of harming others, is still sinful and destructive.

The Holy Scripture says that there is Someone who knows every thought we think and every secret act we do. The One who created all things knows everything and He is going to judge us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. (2 Cor. 5:10)

The Lord said, "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve." (Jer. 17:10)

“Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD. "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD. (Jer. 23:24)

“Should you not fear me?" declares the LORD. "Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it. But these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts; they have turned aside and gone away.” (Jer. 5:22-23)

Keep in mind, my friend, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Heb. 4:13). We are going to give an account to the Lord about our secret sights, thoughts, words and actions.

Why?

Because He is our Creator and we owe our life to Him. Not only so, the Lord “gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good” (Tit. 2:14).

The Lord hates pornography, which is a desecration of sacred sex, which He created for us to enjoy solely in marriage. Apart from marriage bed, the Holy Bible condemns deliberate exposure of nakedness before others. If sensually exposing one’s nakedness is sinful, is it not sinful too to watch the nakedness of other women with lustful heart? Is not pornography a lustful gaze at other women’s/men’s nakedness?

Therefore, I encourage you to repent of your sin, seek the Lord’s forgiveness and walk in the sacred consciousness of His watch over you.

I urge and caution you not to look for petty excuses to justify your sinful acts. This world is becoming more insecure to live in because of its rebellion against the moral standards God gave us for our own safety. Let us, then, return to the Lord and walk in His ways. His word is our only light and purity in this world of darkness and immorality. Let us pray with the Psalmist: "Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to Your word." (Ps. 119:37)

[Click here to go to Part 1 of this article] | 2 of 2

Related Articles:

• Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together?
• Liberation from Pornography 
• Accountability - An Impetus to Overcomes Pornography 

_______________________________

Enquiries:

cstephendavid@gmail.com (or) messageforourage@gmail.com

What’s Wrong in Watching Pornography Without Hurting Others? - [Part 1]

 1 of 2

Some folks say, “What’s wrong in watching porn when it is simply a matter of sight and mental act without causing any hurt to others? Thoughts are fine as long as they do not turn into actions. Don’t I have the right to do what I do in my private life?”

Well, even when you watch porn secretly without any intention of causing physical hurt to others, I still believe it is sinful and destructive. Let me give three reasons for my conviction. If you ponder over my reasons, you would also agree with me.

1. What You Watch and Imagine Speaks About Who You Are

Think about this—if someone says this to you about your wife or girl friend, “I neither touch your woman nor do any harm to her. I just entertain sexual fantasies with your girl. I just keep this to myself for my entertainment. I promise that I will in no way hurt her.”

Or, what if he says to you—“I am addicted to watching porn. I love seeing the nakedness of other women. I cherish sexual fantasies. I do what all I can in my imagination. I simply do this for my personal enjoyment. I have no intention to hurt anyone.”

Now, honestly speaking, would you be comfortable with your woman in the presence of that person? Would you allow him to talk to your wife or girl friend, even to your sister, at ease, although what he does is just in sight and mind but not in action?

Why not?

You see, a person who entertains unhealthy thoughts in his mind and secretly relishes watching the nakedness of other women speaks a lot about his character. A man defines himself by what he thinks, by what he does in secret, without necessarily manifesting in action.

Why?

Because man is made of mind, soul and body. When something is cherished in the mind, it is a part of us which reveals who we are and what attitude we have. Our thoughts are not different from us. Mind is a testimony of our character.

Now you may not be a serial killer or a rapist, but when you watch nude women and imagine of them secretly, it shows what kind of a person you are and what character you possess.

Remember, it is not just about whether you hurt others; it is about who you are.

Think about pride, envy, bitterness, greed and hatred. If you give careful thought to these vices, you realize that they are not necessarily actions. They can be manifested in action but they are actually evil attitudes and thoughts.

If someone says to you, “I don’t kill you, but I hate you bitterly,” would you still enjoy living with that person, since he is not doing any harm to you?

You can’t.

Why?

Without doing any physical harm in action, because of his bitter thoughts against you, he is still saying to you, “I hate you.” Likewise, without necessarily sleeping with other women or molesting others, the one who watches porn secretly, still says, “I love having sex with different women.”

Are you able to see what a person thinks is equally important to what he does? Our public life may give false impression about ourself, but our private life speaks a lot of who we actually are.

Eventually, it is not about hurting others, which is important. First and foremost, it is about who am I, which is revealed through what I think and cherish in secret.

Let me ask you a question—if what we watch in secret, if what we think and entertain in mind, make sound the way our words do or manifest the way our actions do, do we still secretly watch those things and entertain them in our mind?

We would not.

Why?

Because of what people think about us. More precisely, because of what people think about who we are.

You see, our secret watching and thinking and fantasizing, reveals much about our character. For this reason, the Holy Scripture says, “For as he thinks within himself, so he is” (Pro. 23:7).

So what are you defining about yourself by watching porn in secret?

2. What You Watch and Imagine Speaks About Your Commitment

Our attitude toward sex speaks much about our commitment to our spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. When you say to someone, “I love you,” you are also saying, “I am committed to you.” Of course, this is not how the modern generation perceives about love. Today’s men and women seem to have no commitment attached to their so-called love.

Nevertheless, love is commitment. And commitment is a matter of attitude. It begins with a resolution in mind.

Do you know—what you watch and do in secret demonstrates your commitment? Your private life is a great testimony of your commitment to your spouse or girlfriend.

When you mentally flirt with naked pictures and videos, fantasizing those things in mind, how can a woman believe that you are committed to her? When you secretly watch nude women, how can you be a committed person to the one you claim to love? Don’t you see yourself as a hypocrite? Don’t you lack commitment which is a great sign of true love?

Sadly, our society today lacks strong men who are courageous enough to stay committed to a woman in thought and action.

Which woman likes a man who says, “I love you very much in action, but in my mind, I sexually fantasize about many women and secretly watch several nude pictures and videos; however, I don’t have anything to do with them in action.”

Will not a woman still feel betrayed by such a man?

Betrayal speaks about lack of trustworthiness and commitment. It speaks about treacherous attitude. It speaks about being nice before your loved one and doing something nasty behind her.

Don’t you think watching pornography is a betrayal to the one you claim to love?

I have read many women expressing how they get deeply hurt or feel betrayed when their husbands or boyfriends watch porn. They feel themselves no more than a mere sexual object. They find themselves secondary to porn stars. They don’t really feel loved by their men.

Now you may feel justified watching porn in secret, for you may think you are not a rapist or a sexual molester. You may feel good about what you do because you think you are not hurting others. But, you know, hurt is not just physical; it is also emotional.

You may think of not causing physical hurt to anyone, but are you not hurting others emotionally by watching porn in secret, particularly your wife or girlfriend or parents or children or other dear ones? They may not yet know what you do in secret. And if they do know and yet have no problem with what you do in secret, then they do not care about who you are, your love relationship and commitment to them (sadly, there are some weird folks like this).

Furthermore, when you watch porn pictures and videos, you are not just seeing it; you are also engaging yourself in it. Sex is such an immense pleasure and powerful act that you cannot watch it without imagining yourself being a part of it. You are mentally committing yourself to become one with the women you are watching.

For this reason, the Lord Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28).

So what are you revealing about your commitment by watching porn in secret? [Click here to go to Part 2 of this article...] |  1 of 2

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Caution about Contemporary Movies: Avoiding Every Form of Impurity

Watching movies is one of the most entertaining mediums of our day. It has become a necessary recreation for many, not to mention, an addiction. Now I don’t believe it is completely wrong to watch movies. There are movies that are quite refreshing, inspiring, challenging and even life-changing.

Nevertheless, most of the movies that are made in our time are found awful, entertaining people with disgusting content. Although there is something to get excited over the way movies are made with stunning technology, it is regretful to see how the current visual media is given over to sexual depravity, losing moral senses and shame. And what amazes me is how the people of the Living God have become desensitized to immoral scenes presented in most of the contemporary movies. 

Avoiding Every Form of Impurity

One of the devil’s tricks we learn from the modern media is this—if you want to popularize evil and make it acceptable, just present it in the form of entertainment.

For instance, think about French kiss, foreplay and immodest exposure of one’s body in the movies. I hear many Christians justifying themselves by watching such things, “It is just a drama.”

Well, do we feel comfortable with our wife performing such scenes with other men in a play or drama? I can understand action scenes being faked but how are French kiss, foreplay and immodesty faked? Although it is a play, the actors are really involved in performing the act, sensually exposing their bodies and sexually touching one another’s bodies. Consequently, they are having a detrimental influence on the emotions of the viewers, particularly upon children and youth.

Some say, “I watch them but I don’t feel any reaction to them” or “It is just a movie” or “It's common” or “I am not practicing but just casually watching.”

Listen, my dear people—The Holy Bible instructs us that there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3). Note these words: Not even a hint of sexual immorality. Again, it is written in 1Thess. 5:22, “Abstain from every form of evil.” Make these words: Every form of evil.

What should we comment about most of the movies in our day? We not only find a hint of impurity but manifestly perform immorality without shame. So, as God’s chosen people, are we not exhorted to despise and abstain from everything that gives even the appearance or hint of evil? Are we obeying the Scriptural exhortations when we watch sensual performances in the movies?

I was reading in my personal devotion today, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good” (Rom. 12:9). Do we hate the evil projected in the movies or do we get entertained by them? How can I take delight in that which God forbids? How can I just watch sensual things, though with a neutral attitude, when God’s word exhorts to hate such sinful acts? 

God's Call to Sexual Purity

Sex is God’s exhilarating gift to mankind with a mandate to enjoy it within marital bond and that too in privacy. But, what shall we say about the actors who participate in sensual acts? They not only perform sensual things publicly, but in real life they are also not married to each other. Much worse, what they propagate in the movies is fornication, i.e. having sex before or without marriage, even live-in relationships.

We are aware of how Dan Brown subtly tried to debunk the historic truths of Christianity in the form of a novel “Da Vinci Code.” Likewise, I see most of the contemporary movies debunking biblical moral standards in the form of entertainment, thereby infiltrating the minds of viewers to make immoral things acceptable in the society.

Don’t you suppose, we, God's chosen people, are fooled by the modern entertainment?

Think about obscene outfits, deep French kiss and lustful scenes found, even in the movies made for kids and that which claim of presenting an inspirational message! Is it biblically okay to entertain people or to get entertained by such things? How many Christians are entertained by sexually immoral acts performed in the movies when in fact they should be filled with righteous indignation for despising God’s moral standards!

Dear friends, if we have engaged ourselves in the sensual entertainment of our day, losing passion for God’s holiness and moral standards, don’t you think it is time for us to repent and take our stand against the corrupt system of our age?

In this age of sensuality and sexual immorality, God is calling us to sexual purity. It is written for us, “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” (1Thess. 4:3-5).

If we did not make a commitment like the Psalmist, “I will set before my eyes no vile thing” (Ps. 101:3), then let us pray, “Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word” (Ps. 119:37).

Finally, the words of Peter written about two millenniums ago are no less relevant today or perhaps even more relevant—“Save yourselves from this corrupt generation” (Acts 2:40).

Related Articles:

• To Overcome Lust - Time is Everything
• The Conversation of Job on Lust
• A Lesson from Cotton Buds on Sexual Purity
• Winning the Battle for Sexual Purity
  
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To Overcome Lust - Time is Everything

Last week, as I was riding on my bike, my eyes abruptly fell upon a billboard. I found on it these words, written in big letters, “In Cancer Treatment, Time is Everything.” As I was reflecting on it, a thought suddenly dawned on me—to overcome lust, is not time everything, I mean, an essential element?

Everyone knows cancer is a deadly disease, which is responsible for the death of millions of people. According to World Cancer Research Fund International, it is expected that by 2030 the number of people dying of cancer would reach to 21 million. And one major reason for people dying of cancer is due to lack of early detection and treatment. Time seems to play a vital role, isn’t it?

Lust—which is an inappropriate and unrestrained sexual passion in striking contrast to healthy sexual desire—is perilous like cancer. Lack of prompt dealing with lust is a major cause for so many to fall into sexually immoral acts, thereby ruining one’s personal and family life.

Take Instant Turn

We need to understand that many who fall into sexual sins—be it in pornography, fornication, adultery, homosexuality or lustful fantasies—neglect to deal with them promptly and seriously at its initial stage. They casually face it and miserably fall into it.

Fact: Lust thrives in a delayed and negligent attitude.

For this reason, Jesus exhorted in hyperbolic language, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matt. 5:29). Eugene Peterson paraphrases it in his contemporary translation The Message, “If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer.”

In other words, if your eye is caught up in a lustful sight, turn your eyes instantly from it and urgently root out that lustful attitude. To save oneself from falling into lust, it is only a spur-of-the-moment. If you delay a bit, you will without delay find yourself drowned in a lustful pit.

Fact: The more we delay in resisting lust, the more it becomes difficult to overcome it. 

I have learned that to overcome lust—particularly when you bump unexpectedly into something sensual, such as a porn image or a lustful wall poster or a sensual scene on television—it is only a matter of seconds. If I do not turn away from it immediately at my first glance, my mind would easily be captured by its lure. Therefore, when I find myself into a lustful temptation, I am disciplining myself, by God’s grace, to turn immediately or flee in a second.

Of course, when I flee, I do face temptations that I am missing a great pleasure and just need to yield to the temptation to satisfy my sensual emotions. But I know that’s deception and also destructive.

Fact: Lust grows stronger when you stay longer at what you watch.

Flee Lest You Cleave
 
Therefore, the Holy Bible says, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18). In my study of the word “flee”, I have found that it means, “To run with rapidity, as from danger; to hasten from danger or expected evil.”

Fact: Lust is such a fiery temptation that if we do not run away from it, we rush into it.

We cannot spend a little time and then walk away slowly from lust. It is like a flood of water released from a dam. If we don’t flee quickly and immediately, we cannot stand against its raging torrent of temptation, having been easily wiped out by its enticement.

O, how many neglect to flee instantly from lust, but once they are swept off by it, they cry out helplessly for freedom!

Fact—The devil doesn’t drag people directly into sexual acts. He first feeds their sight with lust, fills their mind with evil imaginations, and then it is effortless for him to knock them down in immoral acts.

Take Off Lest You Give In

Think about the young man Joseph. Since he was handsome and well built, the lustful eyes of Potiphar’s wife fell on him. After persistently tempting him, one day when none was there inside her house, she caught him by his garment, saying, “Lie with me!”

But what did Joseph do? He left his garment in her hand and immediately fled from her (Gen. 39:11-12).  Had he given a little room for lust to gaze at her, he could have easily fallen in adultery.

Fact: If you don’t flee from lust immediately, you may cleave to it inescapably.

Friend, may be you are entertaining a conversation or chat with a person which is progressively leading you into an illicit affair. May be you are moving too close physically with a person which may end up in some sexual sin. May be you are staying in a place where there is a danger of getting dragged into immoral acts. May be you are watching certain things which may appear less harmful to you now but they may indeed be stepping stones to greater pits and terrible fall. May be you are constantly tempted by someone or something to enjoy the momentary pleasure of sex which doesn’t fall into the boundary of marital fidelity.

Like Joseph, are you learning to rapidly flee from such lustful traps?

So, the next time, if you happen to find yourself into a lustful sight or place, know—time is everything. Just flee!

Related Articles:

• The Conversation of Job on Lust
• A Lesson from Cotton Buds on Sexual Purity
• Winning the Battle for Sexual Purity

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The Conversation of Job on Lust

Note: One morning, I had a severe struggle with lust. To win this war, I turned to the words of Job in chapter 31:1-12. Job was one of the oldest patriarchs and is renowned for being a man who feared God and shunned evil. What he spoke here few thousands of years back are very much challenging to the people of modern age.

As I reflected upon these few words of Job, I was led to write the following words, elaborating the discourse of Job and allowing them to plainly converse with our hearts. I found the words of Job quite challenging in my own life in regard to living a life of sexual purity.

Here is Job.

Listen to my words. Let me tell you something to think about. I made a covenant with my eyes, with my sight, with how I look at a woman. Do you want to know the covenant I made with my eyes? I determined not to look lustfully at a woman. I resolved not to entertain sexual fantasies about a girl. I took a stubborn decision, not only to flee from committing physical adultery, but also from its very thought in my mind, i.e. not to undress a girl with my imagination.

Yes, I fled from watching the nakedness of a woman, whether with my physical eyes or in my imagination. I firmly made up my mind not to be led by whatever my eyes sees and whatever my heart feels. I have learned to master my sight, my thoughts and my feelings. I decided to treat the opposite sex with absolute purity. I know it is hard. It is a tough battle. But I made this solemn choice, not a one-time choice, but a constant choice not to dwell on lust.

Do you know why I did this? Because I fear God. Does He not punish those who do wrong? Is not disaster waiting for those who live by wicked thoughts and actions? Does He not see my ways? Are not my thoughts laid bare before Him? Is He not counting every step of my life? Isn’t God looking, observing how I live and what I think?

Am I not accountable to God for what I choose, what I watch, what I think and what I do? Does not God weigh me according to His holy standards?

O, my Maker, my God, knows all my thoughts and all my ways. When I watch a naked woman, God is watching my evil actions. When I secretly imagine of having sex with a woman in my mind, God is observing my evil thoughts. I cannot hide from His pure sight! There is no sin that I can commit without His knowledge.

All my thoughts, all my imaginations, all my secret communications, all my ways, which no man may ever know—glare before His blazing holy eyes. Since I cannot escape from the holy sight of God, from His judgment, I chose not to sin against Him by immersing myself in lust. And God knows that I am blameless.

There is another thing I thought about which I would like to tell you. It sounds scary but I thought it anyway. If my heart has been enticed by a woman, if my heart lustfully goes after her, and if I secretly lust to sleep with another man’s wife, let me be honest in telling you this—let other men sleep and have sex with my wife, for that is the worst punishment I should receive for what I did.

When I lust after other women, why can’t my wife lust after other men? When I sleep with another man’s wife, why shouldn’t other men sleep with my wife? My wife has every right to against me when I choose to go against her. The other men have every right to go against me when I choose to go against them [for lusting their women]. Oh, I have no right to hold my wife faithful to me when I remain unfaithful to her, whether in thought or in deed.

Here is what I want to say at the end. Lust and adultery is a deadly fire. It burns my house and others' house too. It ruins my family and others’ family too. It puts everyone closely connected to me in trouble. It brings curse upon everything. It gives momentary pleasure but reaps lasting pain. O, a choice made out of lust reaps inescapable destruction.

Therefore, I decided, not to lust any woman and chose to fear God and to stay faithful to my wife—in my thought, in my imagination and in my action.

What is your covenant?

Sincerely,

Job

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Job 31 (New International Version)

¹ "I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a young woman.
² For what is our lot from God above,
our heritage from the Almighty on high?
³ Is it not ruin for the wicked,
disaster for those who do wrong?
⁴ Does he not see my ways
and count my every step?

⁵ "If I have walked with falsehood
or my foot has hurried after deceit—
⁶ let God weigh me in honest scales
and he will know that I am blameless—
⁷ if my steps have turned from the path,
if my heart has been led by my eyes,
or if my hands have been defiled,
⁸ then may others eat what I have sown,
and may my crops be uprooted.

⁹ "If my heart has been enticed by a woman,
or if I have lurked at my neighbor’s door,
¹⁰ then may my wife grind another man’s grain,
and may other men sleep with her.
¹¹ For that would have been wicked,
a sin to be judged.
¹² It is a fire that burns to Destruction;
it would have uprooted my harvest."

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A Lesson from Cotton Buds on Sexual Purity

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable."

The Holy Bible (1 Thess. 4:3-4)

One fine Sunday morning, I was reading Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration For Broken Relationships by Dr. Harry Schaumburg. It is a wonderful book, addressing how to sustain sexual purity within marriage. As I was reading this book, all of a sudden, my eldest son, Joy, appeared before me with cotton buds, expecting me to pick. I didn’t understand why he brought them since I haven’t asked him. He generally doesn’t do such things without asking; later I understood, and you too I suppose after reading, he might have been led by the Spirit of God who wanted to teach me a significant lesson.

I could not resist picking that cotton bud, for you know how pleasant it is to roll it in the ear canal, although it isn’t safe to do often. I gently rolled the bud in the ear, in that thin and tender skin, experiencing a great sense of pleasantness. As I was enjoying this momentary delight, a thought struck my mind—what happens if I go deeper and deeper in the ear canal and reach the eardrum? What an acute pain it causes, the whole pleasure turning into an unbearable pain! Ooh, if I just cross the boundary of ear canal into the ear drum, the whole sense which is triggered with excitement would be quickly twisted with excruciating pain!

Then right at the moment, the wise Lord, I believe, opened my mind to learn a lesson from this incident. As pleasurable and ecstatic sex is, if I cross the boundary of sexual purity and fall into sexual immorality, the whole pleasure turns into terrible pain. Of course, the pain here may not be in the act itself but certainly in its consequences. Sex, which is within marriage, is a blessing, but sexual immorality, which is outside marriage, is a curse.

Ah, how many today have fallen from the mountain top pleasure into the deep valley of pain, just because of crossing the boundary of sexual purity! How sexual immorality turns goosebumps into guilt complex! How sexual impurity sucks lasting peace by giving momentary pleasure! O, how many have destroyed their personal happiness, marred their reputation, ruined their family life, abandoned their relationship with the Living God, all because of trespassing the standard of sexual morality (crossing the ear canal into the ear drum).

Take heed of these Scriptures: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18). “Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9-10).

Well, in light of inevitable, dreadful consequences, is the pleasure of sexual immorality (pornography, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, voyeurism, orgies and sexual fantasies) worth enjoying?

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Marriage and Sex - Part 1

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Accountability – An Impetus to Overcome Pornography

I have observed, whenever we fall in sin, for the most part we slip into it unprepared.

It happened to me that one day I was browsing on the Internet to read some inspirational stuff. I was low in my spirit and looking for some encouragement. It is when we are downcast that this lust within us reaches fever pitch. As I was rummaging through Google’s search engine, I was subtly enticed towards partial sensual content. My mind became dumb. I shut down my moral convictions. I lost control over my passions. My heart was hardened. Curiosity increased. And that later took me into watching porn for a while, indulging in sinful sight and imagination. I had the choice to resist and get back to my work but I foolishly gave in to temptation.

I need to admit that my past life, before Christ, was ruled by lust and that old nature reared up its ugly head again. I was completely shattered when I fell into this sin. I hated and condemned myself for yielding to it. I could not face myself, my family or anyone, even God. I degraded in my own eyes. I decided to give up ministry, for I thought I am unworthy to serve the LORD with an impure heart. What Ravi Zacharias said makes complete sense, “The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced that which you thought would deliver you the ultimate, and it has let you down.”

During this inward battle, a thought came, “Is this a solution to my sin?” I knew it’s not. Going away from God because of sin is to drive ourselves deeper in sin. I sincerely repented before the Lord. Although I was never addicted to watching porn, I was afraid that I may fall in it, for I have seen people how they had regretted only to see themselves helplessly turning to it again and again. They eventually came to a stage of such hardness of heart wherein they had lost that sense of guilt and guts to change. So I could not trust myself in this area and knew that I had to do more than repentance to guard myself against this sensual sin.

The next morning, I immediately called my good friend to visit me. It was humiliating but I confessed my sin to him. It was hurting but I asked him to hold me accountable in this area. It was painful but I wanted to live for the pleasure of God. After giving myself to accountability, I found great relief in my heart.

Guess what happened after few days? As I was doing my search on the Internet on some personal project, I again bumped into a strange link, lured to click and enter into the world of lust. I brought the cursor right on it to click. Then immediately it flashed into my mind that I am accountable to my friend. What would I tell him when he asks me? Should I tell him that I watched again? How would I face him? This brief reasoning pulled me back from clicking this site and saved me from falling into the pit of immorality. I thank God for this accountability, for it worked as an impetus, not just once but many times, to abscond from the traps of the evil one.

Since I gave myself to be accountable to my friend, by God’s grace, I haven’t returned to it again. And as God gives me opportunities to help those enslaved by lust, in my counseling to them struggling with addiction to pornography, I make sure to mention accountability as a way of discipline to overcome its temptation.

Fearing God or fearing only man
Some may suppose that this accountability structure implies that we fear man more than God. It could be, but not necessarily. Want to know my reasons?

1) It is the fear of God which drives a person to be accountable. If there is no fear of God, why should a person be bothered about voluntarily submitting himself to be accountable to someone in the first place? He could continue with his sinful lifestyle and live according to his sinful passions, right? Since he fears God and shuns evil, he uses God’s providence of accountability to walk in sexual purity.

2) If there is no fear of God how can a person tell the truth when asked about his dealing with the sin? Can’t he tell lies and live a life of secrecy, indulging himself in lust? It is the fear of God which causes a person to tell the truth when accountable. Since he loves God, he loves to come out of sexual immorality by speaking the truth.

Besides, lack of accountability actually proves fear of man. As good as accountability is, there is a hurdle for people in not being accountable – fear about what someone would think about them. We need to overcome this anxiety and choose a mature and trustworthy person to disclose our secret life. Let me give a caution here – If we don’t take serious measures to deal with our evil addictions, it would inevitably lead us some day to public disgrace. Doesn’t reason suggest present accountability, however painful, is better than future humiliation?

Scriptural Support for Accountability
Accountability is buttressed by the Holy Scripture. It is not man’s own invention, but God’s gracious providence. To quote C. J. Mahaney, "It's a gift from God, a vital means of experiencing His grace for protection from the deceitfulness of sin." 

• It is written in Pro. 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Isn’t a person sharpened in accountability structure? 

• Solomon offers wisdom in Ecc. 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” Helping a fallen friend – isn’t this exactly what happens in accountability?

• Paul exhorted the young Timothy, “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22). Isn’t a person in accountability fleeing from the evil desires and seeking the Lord with the help of godly people?

• The author of Hebrews wrote, “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness” (3:13). Isn’t a person in accountability saved from the deceitfulness of sin, placed in transparency from living a life of secrecy and encouraged to live a holy life? Any person who has failed to personally discipline himself in sexual purity, and at the same time unwilling to give himself to some form of accountability in God’s community—he is most likely to live a life of deception and hypocrisy, invoking damage upon himself and in some way hurt those connected to him.

• God’s word says, “My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (Jas. 5:19-20). Isn’t this what happens in accountability, saving a person from perishing in sexual immorality and bringing him or her back to the truth?

In this age of sensuality, the storm of lust is so fierce that many God’s people are swept by its fascinating enticements. It would be shocking to know how many seemingly good people are caught in the web of pornography, secretly living a life ruled by sexual immorality.

Friends, if you helplessly find yourself strangled by the sin of lust, I encourage you to seek an accountable partner (reliable and helpful). Sometimes, to deal with this sin by ourselves is but to give ourselves more to its mastery. I have learned the assaults of the devil against us intensify when we live in secrecy, but it does decline in accountability. There are many ways to find deliverance and God has provided the structure of accountability as one such to experience the power of His grace.

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